Filling the void
by leggo lover 99
Summary: When Leo awakes in Season 3 he's confused and in pain- but what's the detailed story behind his recovery? The episode didn't cover all the scenes we all want to see, so here's a story exploring the start of season 3 in depth! Can't really explain more as you'll know the episode but I will fill the gaps (or attempt to!) READ AND REVIEW! Rated T just to be safe! LL99 is back!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

It's funny what you remember when your world is veiled in darkness, thought the blue banded turtle. For him it was the words Master Splinter had spoken long ago: "I made you leader because you asked."

Who would ever ask for a situation such as what he was stuck in now? Confined inside his own mind unable to process anything that he supposed was happening in the real world. It was a fate he would not wish upon any soul- not even the Shredder, despite what he did to Leo.

The last thing he could remember was the shadow of the enemy falling over him followed by a sharp whistle of the blades falling down, and then came the searing pain from the monster's gauntlet. There had been darkness yet then there was a voice, a threat. The sound of glass breaking and a sensation of water. Then… Nothing.

Was this what death is like? An empty void in which to fill with thoughts on the past or was this merely a waiting room to see where about his soul would go to beyond the void?

Or was he even dead?

In this place nothing was for certain- that was- until a collection of sensations burst forth once more.

The splash of a possible rain drop, a cool ripple from what felt like water and a disheartened sigh.

That was the point the pain exploded back and the warrior Leonardo fell once more into darkness.

 **HI everyone! I'm back! Expect a fortnightly update from now on as I'm still working on my novel but I had to write this!**

 **Next chapter is longer!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	2. Escaping the void

**Chapter 1**

 **Leo P.O.V**

Since becoming aware of the water surrounding him and the constant unyielding presence of pain, Leonardo had learnt three things. One: he was alive. Two: he could not see anything, nor could he open his eyes to see if he had gone blind. Three: The sigh he had heard before was from his brother Raphael. Only the most hot headed of his brothers would continuously crack their knuckles as they paced nearby.

Yet still he had no idea where he was or if his other brothers were also here… Or if the pain would ever cease…

. **Raph P.O.V**

It was unbearable, just sitting and watching his comatose brother, Leo. Raphael had never been one for emotions, yet when his brother moved, he felt as sudden surge of hope deep within his chest that Leo may awake, or whenever he grimaced or moaned in his unchanging slumber, Raph's heart would clench in pure terror that he was losing his eldest brother.

Donnie had said there was nothing he could do for Leo but clean his wounds and keep sending him meals of revolting looking sludge through a tube down his throat. Neither Donnie nor Raph would let Mikey see Leo when that happened. It was bad enough for them to witnesses the way their eldest brother and leader squirmed and moaned, how he would thrash about so much they had to tie him down.

Mikey could not see Leo in such a state.

These were the aspects of being leader Raph had never considered- the constant thoughts for how his brothers would react and how to best protect them. It was now Raph understood how much the Hamato family revolved around Leo, how the eldest had kept the family as one. Raph had lost count of the number of times he had been forced to carry a snoring Donatello and from the barn, up the stairs and tuck him into bed, or the times he had run into Mikey's room to comfort him after a nightmare- usually about Splinter, Leo and the invasion of New York.

He had also had to give pep talks to keep everyone upbeat- as much as he possibly could in the circumstances- and it was only after nearly breaking down himself after Mikey mentioned Splinter did Raph realise his elder brother's burden.

All the times he had cursed Leo's lack of emotion on a subject he never realised that it didn't matter what Leo felt- he locked it away to be strong for his brothers. Raph had been wrong.

And now it could be too late to say sorry.

 **Leo P.O.V**

Suddenly a sound broke through the void- something he hadn't heard in a very long time- a voice.

 _"_ _Leo… bro… please- come back to us… we- no. I need you…"_ It was Raph again. Leo attempted to do something- make a noise or reach out to his brother- let him know he was there. But nothing happened. _"_ _What happened to you bro? Where's that fighting spirit?"_ Strangely Raph seemed to choke on his words- Leo hadn't heard that from his directly younger brother since they were little. _"_ _Please Leonardo. Don't leave us…"_

The use of his full name settled it for Leo. He didn't know how, but he _had_ to reach Raph. His brother needed him.

In his mind, Leo attempted to jump out of the void, to smash his way out- but then he paused. What would be the best way to escape his own mind? He imaged himself smiling as he pictured the starting position of his favourite katana blade kata. He could almost feel the blade weight perfectly in his hands- a pang of sadness shot through the void at the memory of the loss of his precious blades, but he pushed these thoughts away. He needed to focus.

Slowly, steadily, Leo saw himself going through the moves perfectly- his pain crumbling away, the claws around his body releasing their grip on him until he felt himself falling forwards- the void disintegrating. As the final step in the kata was completed- Leo felt his eyes suddenly crack open and a glorious shaft of moonlight met his gaze along with the hunched over figure of his sleeping brother.

"Raph! Raph!" Leo whispered, not knowing who else may be around them. "Raph!" He attempted a little louder, slowly becoming aware of the pain in his throat and the hoarseness of his words to his ears. He was about to try again when his brother's emerald eyes fluttered open- suddenly jumping wide as they realised the sight which lay before him.

"Leo?!"

 **Ahhh, the next scene will be great!**

 **SO here's the questions:**

 **What will Raph's reaction be?**

 **Will Leo reveal anything?**

 **Have I missed these questions?!**

 **See ya all soon! Reviews will- as always- be treated as ninja turtles- as in I love them!**

 **A slightly mad LL99 OUT!**


	3. Of cleaning and examinations

**Chapter 2**

 **Leo P.O.V**

At first, Leo didn't know what to do. Should he try and move or should he speak- but then if he did, what should he say? Hi? Where are we? Where're the others? What happened? But before his sluggish brain could decide, Raph had leapt off his stool and fell to his knees next to Leo.

It was then Leo realised he was in a bathtub with a leaky tap. That explained the sensation and sounds of water.

"Leo! You're awake! You're alive!" Raph grasped his brother's hand as tears began to drip down his cheeks from behind his red bandana. He closed his eyes, his voice coming out as barely a whisper, "I'm sorry. I thought we'd lost you."

Leo could only watch- startled and concerned- at his brother. Had he really scared him so much? Had his fight left him so dangerously close with death?

"Where's-" The eldest's voice broke and had to restart- "Where's … Don and… Mikey?" He hated how weak he sounded and how he could barely form the shortened forms of his brother's names before losing his voice again.

Raph opened his eyes and jumped to his feet, suddenly embarrassed by his show of emotion, yet the relieved grin did not fall from his face.

"They're downstairs. Probably watching Crognard." Leo raised an eyebrow, silently asking Raph to elaborate as well as to mask the pain which suddenly shot through his body. "Oh… Right." Raph seemed flustered, "It's this new show Mikey's hooked on. I haven't let him watch more than five hours a day." He added bringing a smile to Leo's face. The eldest had attempted to enforce this rule on his youngest brother so that Mikey got enough training done, however the rule was a reasonably loose one.

"Where… are we?" Leo questioned, taking in the odd bathroom. He didn't recognise the room at all.

"April's farmhouse- upstate." Raph shrugged, "We still haven't adapted. Too quiet." He added and Leo recalled how Raph had once confided in him how he was unable to sleep without the sounds of the subway above his head. Leo understood and nodded. Raph turned and threw open the wooden door, yelling,

"Guys! Get up here!" before turning back to his brother.

There was a thunder of footsteps and a wide eyed Donnie rushed in, closely followed by Mikey with April and Casey behind them.

"Hey, guys…" Leo smiled, breaking the deathly silence which had descended upon the room. The fact he spoke brought smiles to everyone's faces and before another word could be spoken, Mikey rushed forth, barging past Donnie, and wrapped his arms around Leo's head, tears running thick and fast from under his mask.

"Leo!"

"Ah! Get off me Mikey!" Leo grunted from beneath his brother's powerful embrace, "Ow." He muttered as Mikey yanked him sideways, causing another wave of pain through his body, "That hurts."

"Take it easy," Raph hurriedly stepped in to Leo's rescue, patting his brother's arm. "Let's get you outta here." Mikey and Donnie automatically reached out to help Leo out of the tub, causing him to blush at his current frail state.

"We'll be downstairs." April called from the door and out the corner of his eyes, Leo saw the red haired teen shove Casey out of the way.

So everyone was here- but where was- Then the pain decided to wash back, forcing Leo to cringe in his brother's arms even worse than before. To his shame, he couldn't mask his reaction to the pain and his brothers all noticed.

"Leo!"

"Bro!"

"What's wrong?"

Leo winced as his brother's concerned faces watched him- fear in their collective eyes.

"Knee…" The leader gasped out through the pain, allowing Raph to set him down on the edge of the bath tub. Donnie bent down and began to examine the joint.

"Leo-" the scientific turtle met his brother's gaze for a moment, "I… I just wanted to apologize for the way I second guessed your orders- you were right-" Leo shook his head, the memories of the argument slowly coming back to him. From all his time in the void he never even considered the heated words exchanged with his brother- the matter seemed insignificant against the battle he had fought with the Shredder. He cut his smartest brother short, seeing in Donatello's eyes that he hadn't been able to forget so lightly.

"No… it wouldn't… have… mattered. Both of our… plans were… flawed… I should have… listened to you… more."

Donnie reluctantly bowed his head in acknowledgment then returned to examining Leo's knee. Meanwhile, Mikey and Raph had filled up a small dish with water and with it they brought over a cloth.

"To clean yourself up!" Mikey stated with a cheery grin, nodding at Leo's shell. The leader looked down and to his surprise, realised that there was a water line across his front, meaning that it most probably continued across the back of his shell as well. How long had he been out for?

He realised Mikey was still holding the bowl out, an expectant look on his face, so Leo nodded and took the cloth. He dabbed it in the water and rubbed the line across his front, hiding a wince as he went over the place where Shredder had caught him. To his horror he could clearly see the scarring on the side of his shell- a harsh white line snaking across his front. It also didn't help that it was tender to the touch.

"Mikey." Leo looked at his brother once he had finished his front, "Would you mind?" he twisted his head backwards, slightly ashamed that he had become so weak he couldn't even twist around, however this was masked by the realisation none of his brothers could get to their shells with ease, often asking for assistance if they had to clean up their backs. Sadly that was part of being a mutant turtle.

Mikey gave a thumbs up in reply and took back the cloth just as Donnie raised his head from his examination.

"Good news or bad news?" Donnie rubbed his eye in a slightly tiresome way.

"Both." Leo gave his brother a faint smile, yet it masked the sudden clenching of his heart. Donnie had his deathly serious face on.

"Okay." Donnie sighed, "Good news is that given time and as long as you don't exert yourself- you'll heal completely." Donnie paused.

"And the bad news?" Leo prompted.

"Oh… yes… um, your knee bone has been shattered. Completely. From the swelling I can see it's healing right- most probably thanks to your mutated DNA- but it still has a way to go before it's back to normal." The scientific turtle's face turned apologetic, "You'll have to take it easy and not put too much weight on it. That means no strenuous activities until I give you the all clear. Okay?"

Leo took the information in. He couldn't place when or how he received his injury. Shredder took him out with one blow and his goons hadn't caused him that much pain in the fight unless-

"Leo?" Donnie interrupted his thoughts, "You zoned out on us there. You alright?"

"'Cause he's not, Don!" Raph stepped forward, knocking Mikey aside, who in turn dropped the cloth in the bath.

"Ah well," the youngest sighed to himself, turned to Leo and smiled, "You're all done, bro!" Leo dipped his head to thank his youngest brother yet his attention was on Raph.

"What do you mean?" Donnie glared at Raph.

"He's just woken up and you've told 'im he can't train- the _first_ thing he's gonna want to do!"

"Actually-" Leo interjected, reminding his brothers that he was still present, "I would like someone to explain what's going on- what happened to the Kraang invasion and why we're here- Wait." He paused as he watched his brother's faces darken, "We've retreated." It wasn't even a question but all his brothers nodded. "Right," Leo met all of their gazes, "Someone needs to talk."

 **Sorry for the long wait but that's how it's got to be! I'm amazed by the support everyone's shown at the moment so thank you everyone!**

 **So here's the questions:**

 **Will Leo listen to Donnie? (even though we all know the episodes!)**

 **What will Leo say about the invasion?**

 **Will he open up to his brothers?**

 **How did Leo get his damaged knee?! (To be explained around chapter 7!)**

 **Thanks to you all- you guys are amazing, but if you leave a review- you are even more so!**

 **LL99 out!**


	4. Facing your family

**Chapter 3**

 **Leo P.O.V**

"Then Raph and Casey came in and just as Donnie told them you were still missing- you came flying through the window." Mikey finished dramatically, "I took Razar out with a couch for you!"

Leo smiled at his brother, but once again, it wasn't heartfelt. Mikey's tale explained the sound of shattering glass from within the void, but what troubled him was how he had led Shredder's goons to April's apartment. He had let the team down.

"So… Leo." Donnie was now sitting next to him on the side of the tub with Raph on Leo's other side and Mikey on the floor, "What happened to you?"

 _A flash of blades, a mixture of claws and feet. Footbots and more Footbots- the endless stream of enemies…_

Leo closed his eyes- attempting to calm his rage at his failure.

"I…" he cleared his throat, still not used to the new tone of his voice or using so many words after the silence. "I would… rather leave that… to another… day." He whispered, his arms tight across his shell to try to hide the scars from his brothers- even though they must have seen them long before he had.

"Leo…" Mikey stood and instantly the eldest regretted how he had put his feelings across. _He_ was the one who had worried them, so _he_ had to be the one to be strong. He removed his hands from his shell and attempted to stand, yet his bad leg gave out and he fell forwards, only to have three pairs of arms catch him.

"Leo- you idiot!" Raph looped an arm around his shell, "Weren't you listening to a word Donnie just said?!" Despite the annoyance in Raph's tone, Leo smiled, glad he had diverted the conversation away from his injuries. That could be dealt with another time.

"Shall we go down to April and Casey?" Donnie asked, taking Leo's other side, and once he nodded, he helped Leo from the bathroom and down the stairs.

Although he didn't say anything, Leo couldn't help but let out a grunt or two as he jolted his knee, or even touched shells with his brothers due to the constant flames of agony building up. Never before had he suffered so badly from a fight- a broken bone or two, or even a day unconscious, yet this seemed far more extreme than all of his previous injuries put together.

But he had to try and be strong… He winced as they reached the bottom of the stairs- then again, maybe he could work on the strong tomorrow.

"You okay, bro?" Mikey swapped places with Donnie as the genius quickly rushed out the wooden front door muttering something about "Equipment."

Leo nodded in reply but held tighter onto Raph's shoulder, not caring if his hot-headed brother realised how desperately he needed the support. Thankfully though, Raph caught on to the meaning and steered Leo across the musty smelling hallway and into a living room where Casey and April were waiting.

"Leo!" April jumped out of her chair and rushed over, tentatively wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank goodness you're awake." She muttered but didn't elaborate. She released him and he smiled awkwardly, uncomfortable with the attention.

"S'up dude?" Casey went to slap him on the shell, but before the teenage boy's hand moved halfway down, Raph caught it with his free hand.

"Don't be an idiot, Jones!" Raph huffed, rolling his eyes at Leo who smiled in return, glad he had left the void behind and was now surrounded by his family- despite some being a little inconsiderate.

Raph and Mikey helped Leo to the couch where Mikey took up the second seat and Raph and Casey fell into the armchairs. April remained by Leo's side until Donnie returned, then she moved over to Raph to give Donnie some room.

Leo could now see that the 'equipment' the scientist had mentioned was the make shift stethoscope made out of two cups and a piece of string, and in Donnie's other hand was a bottle of what looked like mutagen.

Leo frowned.

"Um, Don?" He managed to croak out- causing Casey to turn suddenly in the corner of his eyes, "What's that?" He gestured to the bottle.

"Altered mutagen. It's like medicine, but I tried to change the molecular structure so it would heal you quicker…" He looked down glumly, "Although it didn't seem to happen…"

"You don't say!" Raph snorted, "Three months wasn't exactly short was it- Lei?"

Leo felt his eyes go wide.

"You alright?" Donnie moved to help but the eldest shook his head.

"How long?" He whispered- hoping he had heard wrong.

"Three months." Raph repeated, suddenly realising he hadn't told Leo about the length of time he had been comatose.

"To be exact 103 days…" Donnie muttered under his breath, lowering his head slightly so he didn't have to meet Leo's eyes.

"We've been here three months?" Leo stammered- unable to accept how long he had been trapped in the void for, "I've been out that long?"

"You've had us worried sick Leo, Raph barely slept." April gestured to the second eldest turtle.

"It was nothing." Raph waved a hand dismissively, yet Leo suddenly became aware of the deep, dark bags under his brother's eyes- at the amount of sleep he must have lost while Leo was trapped within the void.

"Raph," His directly younger brother looked up, "Thanks."

Raph nodded, clearly understanding what Leo was thanking him for: for bringing him back; for staying with him throughout the long months and most of all- for keeping the family together during such a dark time.

"So, like why does he sound different?" Casey asked bluntly, ruining the brotherly moment and receiving a savage glare from April. The exchange went unnoticed by Donnie who just sat back, his scientific mind struggling with attempting to dumb it down for Casey.

"He's sustained damage to his throat, and pretty much everywhere else for that matter." The genius concluded, and- as if on cue- Leo felt a searing wave of pain explode through his insides, just beneath the vivid scar from the Shredder's blade.

The eldest turtle felt his face burn with shame as he felt five pairs of eyes judging him silently, his family clearly able to see what had become of him in a short space of time. Donnie was the first to recover.

"Here." He poured some of the mutagen onto a spoon, "Try some more of my special pathogen mutagen medicine- you'll be healed in no time." Ignoring Raph's sarcastic scoff behind him, Donnie held out the spoon and doubtfully, Leo leant forwards to take it. His reaction was instant.

His insides- his stomach rather than his damaged organs- twisted and Leo had to grasp hold of his shell to physically stop the urge to throw up.

Out of the corners of his eyes he saw Raph suddenly stand, Mikey lean closer and Donnie's face morph into shock. He had to think of something fast to stop them being so concerned with every slight thing he did.

"Ugh." He added an unnecessary dramatic shiver for Mikey's benefit, "Tastes like it's supposed to come out of me- not go into me!" he pulled a face, masking the extent of his disgust for the mixture- and thankfully, Mikey snickered by his side and Donnie visible relaxed.

Raph on the other hand wasn't impressed. The red banded turtle plonked himself next to Leo, draping an arm around his shoulders with a surprisingly painful force. He then slammed a fist into Leo's chest, making him jolt with pain.

"First thing tomorrow we'll start training again-" he glared at Donnie who was getting ready to interrupt, "You and me. I'll have you on your feet in no time."

"Yeah, Leo- I can make you a crutch later," Casey butted in- most probably just to further annoy Donnie, "I'll leave it outside yours and Raph's room, ready for the morning."

Leo nodded to both of the hotheads, silently thanking them for their support and that they were able to see beyond the weary figure in front of them, realising he needed to get on his feet as soon as possible.

"But Raph!" Donnie finally managed to break in, jumping to his feet in the process, "Leo shouldn't exert himself- his knee-"

"Forget it Donnie." Leo muttered, not meeting the gazes which he felt turn to him- it was almost as though everyone had forgotten he could speak.

"Leo-" Mikey began, but Leo shook his head.

"We need to get back to New York. The sooner I start training again, the sooner we can get on our way."

"Leo." Donnie crossed his arms defiantly, "You can't help the situation back in the city in your current state."

"That's why I need to train." The eldest replied, feeling a dreaded sense of deja vu from when he argued with Donnie before the invasion of New York. If there was one thing Leo hated, it was arguing with his brothers.

"But you need to _heal_!" Donnie snapped back, "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Because I need to beat Him!" Leo regretted the words the moment they escaped his lips, knowing how he would be judged for such a personal lust for revenge, but it was too late to take it back. Dropping eye contact with everyone, Leo stood on shaky legs. He was too tired to be arguing, his defences were down after the emptiness of the void and he was desperate to fill the horror of the past months, yet he didn't want to do it like this, not now.

It took two steps away from the sofa for Raph and Mikey to jump up to help him out of the room like an invalid.

But for once- Leo would allow such actions for he did not hold the strength to fight back. The heavy silence followed the threesome up the stairs and into the room he'd share with Raph. Leo could tell his brother's wanted to ask more questions, but they stayed silent- which suited him just fine.

Besides, he had his own questioning to carry out tomorrow.

 **Sorry again for the long wait- but what do you all think?!**

 **Question time!**

 **What questions will Leo ask?**

 **Will Casey manage to make a decent crutch?!**

 **Will a new day bring about good things for the Hamato clan?**

 **Will i finish writing uop the next chapter before tomorrow?!**

 **Hope you enjoyed like always and as per usual: Please review! Thanks to all you amazing people who have done so already!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	5. The crimson keeps flowing

**Chapter 4**

 **Leo P.O.V**

 _Hundreds of black clad ninjas followed his every step- as he battled his way towards the invincible looking Shredder, yet suddenly- out of nowhere there came a rattle and a thick chain wrapped itself around his wrist- the metal cool against his skin. With a sharp tug, he felt himself being dragged backwards and get lifted up the fence behind him. He readied himself for an attack from behind, yet a ninja came rushing to him from the front. Instinctively he threw his sword, yet as the blade left his fingers, he realised this ninja was different from all the others. It was not clad in black, but rather had a green skinned one with an orange bandanna. His brother Mikey._

 _"NO!" He screamed as he watched his own blade from his own hand imbed itself into his baby brother's forehead- his baby blue eyes bulging with betrayal as he breathed his last breath._

 _He felt his body grow cold in horror._

 _No…_

 _The chain released it's grip on his arm yet before he could rush to his brother- more ninjas of the black clad kind rushed forth, their weapons raised. All of them were armed with bō staffs and sais. The weapons of his brothers. With a determined roar, he leapt into action, cutting down the ninjas till his remaining sword dripping with his enemies' blood._

 _He had to reach Mikey._

 _A ninja armed with a staff rushed up to him and within a heartbeat the body no longer had a head- but as the corpse fell, the weapon dropping beside it- he realised the body had a shell._

 _Oh no! Not again! Please-_

 _But the head was no longer shrouded by black- it's features clearly green and purple._

 _He felt his legs begin to tremble as he realised he had slaughtered another of his brothers. It can't be real- it can't be-_

 _The kick came out of nowhere and he felt himself thrown through the fence and faced by many more opponents- blocking his brothers'' corpses from view._

 _So he battled on, terrified that each ninja would turn out to be his remaining brother or Sensei, hoping that the slaughter would halt, that there would be no more blood._

 _Then his sword entered the head of another ninja. He blinked._

 _Emerald eyes stared back lifelessly, the red bandanna around the figure's face turning dark with blood._

 _No!_

 _He felt a hand grip his ankle as he staged backwards and he was sent over the edge- his mind rolling over the death and murders of his own blood. There was no end- the crimson kept flowing, even behind closed eyelids- then there was a splash._

 _That was when Leo finally allowed himself to scream in torment._

 **DUN DUN DUN!**

 **OK Here we go:**

 **What the shell just happened?**

 **What will happen next?!**

 **Thanks for reading, I'll update as soon as possible! Please review!**

 **LL99 out!**


	6. The consideration of a brother

**Chapter 5**

 **Leo P.O.V**

Leo snapped awake- his skin damp- no- _dripping-_ with sweat.

"Leo!" he felt a hand grip his shoulder and without even thinking, he spun out of the grip and landed on the cold, hard floor shaking.

 _It was just a dream- it was just a dream…_

Only as his breathing began to steady did Leo finally realises there were tears in his eyes and that someone was watching him.

"Bro?" It was Raph. He sounded… scared?

Leo hurriedly wiped his eyes and turned, meeting his directly younger brother's concerned gaze.

"W…what?" The eldest turtle hated how weak and scared his voice came out. The nightmare had really shaken him up.

Blood… so much blood…

Raph knelt down next to his brother, dropping a blanket over his shaking shoulders before wrapping an arm around him, but Leo shook both off.

"I'm fine." He muttered, yet he knew that neither of them believed it.

"Wha…" Raph cleared his throat, "What the shell happened? You alright- really?"

Leo blinked, not used to his brother sounding so tender. He shook his head.

"Just a dream…" He was still shaking so allowed Raph to place the blanket back over his shoulders.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Tell me." Leo glared at his brother, hating the fact was using the technique he used himself on his younger brothers- hated the fact he actually wanted to open up.

"Leo. I'll wake the others and tell them you were screaming in your sleep." It wasn't an idle threat- Leo could see it in his brother's eyes.

"From the battle…" he muttered, not looking at Raph anymore, but rather at the floor, the wall- or anywhere but his brother, "But this time- you guys were there…" He swallowed, breathed and turned back to meet Raph's, "I… I…" then it was too much. The exhaustion caught up with him and the fearless leader felt the tears begin to flow down his cheeks. He moved to wipe them away, yet to his surprise, Raph pulled Leo in tight and rubbed his shell the way Splinter used to do when they were little.

"Only tell me if you can, bro… You must'a been through a lot." Raph whispered awkwardly. Oddly- Leo felt as if their roles had been reversed, and the realisation dawned in his mind that Raph had really stepped up to the whole leader thing in the past three months. Still, now he had started explaining to Raph, he wanted to finish- to let Raph know the reason the eldest of the group had woken up screaming.

"I killed you all…" he sobbed into Raph's shell, "Instead of… of the Foot, it was you and… and I murdered you all…" He shook his head sadly, "Help me, Raph…" As much as it pained him to admit it, the statement rung true. Leo needed help for what he'd been through- even he- the leader of the turtles- could not come back from his torments alone. He _needed_ his brothers, more than he had ever done before.

His words also seemed to shock Raph.

"How?" Was all he said, but Leo placed his own hand on his brothers.

"I need to be strong for the others, but look at me Raph…" Leo faltered, the harsh memory of Shredder and his blades cutting deeper than the physical wounds.

Raph looked, his eye hovering over the shattered kneecap to the deep scar in Leo's shell.

"What happened to you?" Raph muttered half to himself- half to his brother to hear. When he did not receive an answer he spoke up again. "Leonardo? Please. Let me in. I'm here for you."

But still Leo didn't answer, that was when Raph lost it and slammed a fist into the mattress- probably so it wouldn't wake the others- but it still jolted Leo out of his contemplation.

"Damn it bro! Why do you have to do this? You ask for help but you didn't answer! Why? Because you need to face the world on your own like a hero or something? Because you're the 'fearless leader'?" The moment Raph said those words, he regretted them. He saw Leo's eyes harden and an invisible wall suddenly fall between the two brothers. "Leo- I'm… I'm sorry- I didn't-"

"You didn't- what, Raph?" Leo's voice was cold. He felt an odd fire burning in his heart- the deadly flames of anger- yet he did nothing to stop them. "You didn't mean to tell me what you're really thinking? Fine. Be that way."

Despite hardly ever losing his cool in such a harsh manner, Leo didn't even want to take back what he had said and how he had snapped as the fact remained, Raph's words really stung. Leo had always hated his nick name of 'fearless' and Raph's use of it then just seemed cruel. Yes- he was suffering, yet was his brother completely incapable of such a basic emotion as empathy?

Forcing down the temptation to scream at his brother, Leo rose on shaking legs- his knee throbbing painfully. He knew Casey was going to leave a crutch outside the door- or more accurately the crutch Donnie would have mended after the human teen messed the job up. All he needed was to get through the door and- Leo fell to the floor. His knee was so unstable and painful it had taken one step for the doddering joint to give out completely, landing him on the cold and hard wooden boards.

Through this, Raph did not even move. Leo felt his face beginning to burn. He had expected an argument- a retort of some kind- something that would feel natural after the emptiness of the long months in the void. He had expected something which would take him back to the way it used to be- not like this, not when his weakness was so obvious for everyone to see. Leo fought the growing tide of frustration and attempted to stand again when he heard a creak of a board and Raph's strong hands pulled Leo to his feet.

"Get off-" Leo began- yet his words were cut off by Raph's sudden action.

He hugged Leo. Not one of the half-hearted tugs around the shoulder blades- but a full on hug.

"Leonardo." The eldest silently wished his brother wouldn't use his full name, that told Leo Raph was being honest, "Calm down. I'm sorry… I… I wasn't thinking." Leo tensed. Such an apology was rare- no- was unheard of- from the red banded turtle and slowly, Leo's earlier fury began to dwindle. "We'll get you through this. I swear."

"Raph." Leo choked, his anger faded into nothingness at his brother's considerate words, "Where's Sensei?"

 **As usual, sorry for the long wait! So:**

 **What will Raph say?**

 **How will Leo react?**

 **Is Raph actually a good comforter after all?!**

 **Leave your amazing reviews and thank you so much to all of your great ideas- especially thanks to** pownxmanonnie **for Casey's crutch being fixed by Donnie idea but still thank you to EVERYONE! You guys are the best readers ever!**

 **LL99 (Feeling very good about the reader's responses) OUT!**


	7. Admiration and truth

**Chapter 6**

 **Raph P.O.V**

"You told him _what?_!" April leant over the table as if she were debating on whether or not to strangle him.

"I… I said Splinter stayed behind to report in on the situation back in the city."

Despite this being the second time he had explained to the others about Leo's nightmare and his question about Splinter, Raph's statement was still met with angry and disbelieving stares from April, Donnie and Casey while Mikey's eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

"Wait- let me get this straight, Raph. You lied to Leo?" Donnie joined in, peering down at Raph from the other end of the breakfast table, "Why would you ever think that would be a good idea?!"

Raph stood suddenly and met his brother's gaze coolly, "You try telling him in the middle of the night that…" his voice broke slightly yet he did not falter, "Sensei's gone! How could I do that to him? He'd just tear himself-" the second eldest turtle froze as he hear a sharp intake of breath from behind him- out in the corridor. He didn't need the shocked looks from the rest of the family to know who it was.

He turned,

"Leo- I-" but before he could elaborate, the leader had gripped his crutch tighter and hobbled off towards the front door.

"Well done Raph!" Mikey snapped, his eyes wide and damp. The youngest jumped to his feet and rushed off after Leo. Donnie met Raph's gaze- just as surprised at their baby brother's reaction- before he followed suit.

"We'll… give you guys a second." April muttered. Raph nodded and trudged after his brothers, not wanting to face them after his outburst. He knew what he had told Leo was wrong- but how could he had told his elder brother that he just watched as their father was defeated? That he wasn't able to help?

The front door to the farm house had been left wide open, and through it Raph could see the kneeling figures of his brothers beside the row of trees where the woods began. The red banded turtle hovered back from a second. Listening to what his brothers were saying without him present.

"…Raph telling the truth?"

"Leo… We… we watched it happen…" Donnie's voice was sorrowful yet oddly calm- it was the same tone he used when sating a scientific fact. "He was in the middle of a battle with the Shredder when we found them- Leo!" Donnie's sudden exclamation jolted Raph into action. He rushed out of the farm house and to his brothers' sides where he found Leo shivering despite the warmth of the morning- his eyes wide.

"Whe- when was that?" Leo's voice trembled as he asked the question, his fists tightly clenched in his lap.

The other turtles all exchanged a glance.

"Perhaps an hour after you… you know." Mikey faltered, gesturing with his hand falling through the window as his eyes showed that he did not wish to recall the events of that day.

"Then it's all my fault…" Leo muttered, barely above a whisper as his crutch free hand wrapped around his shell. The others leant closer- not quite hearing what he had said, yet spookily, Leo continued to repeat it over and over to himself until his panicked voice was heard by all of the turtles. Their reactions were instantaneous.

"Shut up bro! You couldn't have done anything!" Raph shouted, clenching his fist tight so he wouldn't be tempted to punch someone.

"Leo! You weren't there- you couldn't have done anything!" Donnie added, yet it was Mikey who managed to get through to the eldest turtle.

"Why was it your fault?" And with the simple question, Leo blinked and fell silent. Everyone looked to the eldest turtle whose grey blue eyes began to darken.

"I didn't take him down." The statement was quiet and said in a shaky voice, but the tone was cold and hollow. It sent a shiver down Raph's spine, reminding him of Leo's comments the night before about needing to be strong which seemed a million years ago. "I wasn't strong enough and…" the eldest choked on his words, "And now sensei's… _gone_ because I lowered my guard!"

As the words sunk in, the three youngest turtles moved as one, their collective arms wrapping around the forth as one by one they collapsed into tears. The sorrow and horror of their loss had been stored away for the past three months, the younger three wanting to be strong for Leo, but now he too was learning about the fate of Splinter, they could all grieve as one. They had lost their teacher and father and they had nearly lost Leo as well, but now one had returned to the land of the living, the loss of the other cut even more deeply.

"It wasn't your fault, Leo." Mikey muttered into Leo's shell, "You wouldn't be able to take a life anyway…"

Raph felt Leo tense and he recalled the nightmare Leo had told him about, yet with a hug from Mikey, the leader relaxed slightly, the tension gripping his form beginning to lose its hold.

"So you faced Shredder?" Donnie asked quietly, nodding at the scar on Leo's side amongst the tangle of arms.

A second passed before the eldest self-consciously nodded.

"But you don't want to talk now?" Mikey thoughtfully added, his baby blues piercing Leo's in a startling resemblance to Splinter's kind gaze.

Yet to the brother's surprise, Leo pulled out of their collective embrace and sat back, wincing as he moved his knee, and began to talk.

"Not really, Mikey- but-" he coughed, clearing his damaged throat, "I didn't want to fight a couple dozen FootBots either but I had to." Raph stared at Leo in awe. A couple dozen? That was a vast amount for the four of them to take out in one night, but for a single one against such numbers… He knew that Leo was a mighty warrior but this was something else. Raph could tell his two brothers were thinking along the same lines but Leo acted as if he didn't notice. "Raph made me realise last night that I shouldn't keep it to myself as we're brothers- we don't hide anything." For some reason Mikey flinched, but as he met Raph's gaze he pouted and rubbed his leg as if he sat on a stone. He turned back to Leo, "After we got separated it seemed that the Kraang were coordinating their attack with the Foot as if I moved in any other direction than towards the construction site- where Shredder was-" He shook his head, "More FootBots or Kraang droids would show up. When I reached the surface there was an ambush set up and it went downhill from there…" He looked at his brothers and despite there being a clear sense of shame in his eyes he continued, "I fought a load off when I noticed Shredder, Fishface, Razzar and Tigerclaw watching, and…" he sighed, "I told Shredder to face me himself."

"You what?!" Raph and Donnie both exclaimed at once. Neither of them had expected Leo to act so cocky during a fight. Leo dipped his head in shame.

"I knew a fight with him would take place so I knew I would stand the best chance before fighting off masses of his troops." He sighed, "Bu he didn't listen and his archers fired at me. I dodged those but more Bots came. I lost one sword when I got caught by the chain then the other when a bot attempted to get me from behind. One grabbed my foot and sent me down an embankment into a pool of water." He shivered, "When I got out- Shredder and his henchmen were there. ' _Now you may finish him_ ' he said…"

"Wait!" Mikey interrupted, "You had your swords back- right?"

To their amazement, Leo shook his head. The again, Raph thought, they shouldn't be surprised as Leo didn't have his swords on his when he was thrown through the window. The red banded turtle had spent the first couple of weeks forging new blades for his brother- he would have to get them for him later.

"They got a couple of good hits in first of all, but then I took them out quickly- no weapons…" He closed his eyes and his hand crept up his side once more, "The last thing I remember is a shadow falling over me, turning around and Shredder…" his voice faltered- not needing to explain what happened next- that was clear to see. "I'm sorry…" he muttered, "I left my phone on… they must have tracked you to April's then gone after sensei…" The mighty Leonardo bowed his head as his brothers digested the information.

"You took out over twenty FootBots, three of Shredder's top henchmen and you're apologising?!" Donnie was the first to break the silence, causing Leo to look up.

"You're not angry?" The leader's voice sounded oddly small.

"Angry? Leo are you out of your shell?!" Raph snapped, amazed at his brother's single tracked mind.

"Dude, I can't believe you took out that many!" Mikey waved his hand excitedly, "You need a nickname, like-" but whatever his new nickname would be, they never found out because Raph slipped a hand over his baby brother's mouth- recalling Leo's reaction the night before to his 'fearless' nickname.

Leo shook his head.

"From the void-" he blinked at the other's confused faces then quickly explained, "The darkness of the last months- I was certain I'd fail you…" He sighed, his eyes flickering slightly as if he was recalling something dark. His brothers noticed and moved closer once again- but the leader's next word jolted them back into the harsh reality they had left behind in New York, "But I won't do so again. Give me a week-"

"A month." Donnie interrupted.

"Three weeks-" Leo continued, ignoring Donnie's glare, "And we can head back to the city."

Mikey cheered but Raph understood the message behind the words of the leader and strategist of the team- Leo would struggle for the next couple of weeks and needed to begin getting ready to recover. Raph was glad his brother had opened up about his experiences, but he knew there was something else he wasn't telling.

"Come on." Raph muttered gruffly, standing up and, hefting his belt up slightly, he realised he'd gotten slightly thinner- obviously all that time spent worrying over Leo. "Let's start training."

"Good idea, brah!" Mikey leapt to his feet, "I can-"

"No. I need you to lend me a hand in the barn, Mikey." Donnie slowly got to his feet and helped Leo up, only releasing him once the crutch was wedged firmly under his arm. The scientist turned to Donnie, "Don't be a shell-brain, Raph." He pulled the bottle of mutagen medicine out of his belt and passed it to Leo, "Only take some if you really need it." Donnie warned, but he knew that Leo would only do that and wouldn't take it for the sake of taking it, once Leo had taken the bottle, the purple banded turtle grabbed the youngest and dragged him away, towards the barn, leaving Raph and Leo alone.

"So…" Leo shrugged.

"Let's get you training again." Raph replied and began to jog ahead, quickly changing to a sprint- despite knowing Leo wouldn't be able to keep up. He desperately needed a moment to calm himself after learning how close his brother had come to joining Splinter in his fate- hopefully he would also have enough time to cry before Leo caught up.

 **Aww poor Raph, he does have a soft side after all!**

 **So:**

 **Will Leo catch up?**

 **What was he not saying to the others during that confession?**

 **AND:**

 **HOW DID HE GET SO HURT? (I won't accept the quote "we got hit by a bus!"... Then again I love quotes so yes- I would actually! :D )**

 **Leave your amazing reviews and I will reveal vaguely the reasons in the next chapter then full on it the one after that!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	8. The part that was hidden

**Chapter 7**

 **General P.O.V**

Donnie continued to drag Mikey towards the barn even after Raph and Leo had vanished into the dense woodland- that was up until Donnie realised Mikey was asking him something amongst his pleas to be released. Donnie obliged and turned to his directly younger brother.

"What did you say?"

"I said: what up, D?"

The scientific turtle sighed,

"I still want to know how Leo got his injuries- his story doesn't correspond to any of his wounds except the scar on his side and- wait a second." Donnie paused taking in the way Mikey's face had paled. "Michelangelo-" his voice grew steely, "What do you know?"

To Raph's surprise it didn't take Leo too long to catch up, however he must have overexerted himself as he was wincing with every other step. Raph had quickly dried his eyes as he saw his brother emerge from the trees and kept his distance until he was certain his eyes were no longer red and puffy.

"Come on Leo- you gotta build up your muscles, you've gotten supper weak." He teased, hoping Leo would take it the right way. Leo grunted, but there was a small smile on his face.

"Don't… rub it in…" Although his voice was weak, the reply brought a grin to Raph's face up until the moment he heard a cry and a thump. He spun round to find Leo on the ground at the base of the small slope, clutching his knee with the most pained expression Raph had ever seen on a turtle. He met Leo's gaze just as the eldest released his knee, tightened his grip on his crutch and whispered,

"I don't… I don't think I'm ever going to be the same again."

Raph's heart clenched, unused to such a clear confession of defeat from Leo. So that's what was on the eldest's mind when he was telling Donnie he would be healed within a week.

"Don't talk like that!" he turned, an annoyed expression placed firmly upon his features to mask his concern for Leo's pitiful tone, "That's not the Leo I know- now come on- let's cross this creek." He jabbed a thumb behind him and jumped across a couple more rocks. Hating how harsh he sounded, but knowing deep in his heart that he was only saying out loud what his brother must have been thinking.

He listened as Leo struggled to his feet, let out a small gasp and get out the mutagenic medicine bottle Donnie had given him, yet it was only after a long silence followed did Raph turn around to check on his brother. The red banded turtle felt his eyes widen as he saw Leo was shaking violently, his entire body vibrating at a manic rate.

"Leo?" He asked and his only response for a while was Leo raising a shivering hand holding the bottle loosely, which slipped through his weak grasp and to the floor. Thankfully, Leo eventually spoke- but it was clearly strained and in pain.

"Oh man- I'm gonna-" then in one sudden movement, he spun around, collapsing to his knees as he vomited violently. Within an instant, Raph was by his elder brother's side and placed a hand on Leo's shoulder as the leader wiped his mouth with one hand and clutching his side tightly with the other.

"Y…you okay, bro?" Raph stammered, shocked at the weakness Leo was displaying. He followed his brother's squinted gaze at the puddle of puke containing only bubbles of the medicine he had been taking and it was then he realised how much of the stuff Leo must have been privately taking- obviously attempting to heal himself faster. He would speak to him about that later.

"I think it's that medicine Donnie gave me…" Leo's voice was barely audible as he leaned into Raph's side as if what he said pained him, "I'm not feeling too good."

To Leo's surprise, Raph wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders and held his shaking form close.

"So you can actually admit something like that then?" The second eldest teased, shooting Leo a small smile which was returned- but Leo eyes flickered momentarily. "What is it?" Raph quickly questioned before Leo could hide the fact he revealed any emotion. The eldest paused for a long time before answering, and when he did, he didn't sound certain.

"I hate this." He almost questioned, as if he were not sure if he could say such a thing, "I mean- I hate holding you guys back- without me you'd all be back in New York city months ago, and…" he cleared his voice, "I'm barely able to walk- let alone help you guys out…" He sighed heavily, disappointment and anger directed at himself written all over his features. "You should all just head back and leave me here…"

Raph blinked.

"Is that why you're not wearing your mask?"

It was fair to say, Raph had not expected to ask about that little detail so outright, and that Leo was not expecting that as a reply.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Leo muttered, turning his face away from his brother, yet Raph still held him in an embrace, ensuring the eldest couldn't run off.

"I've cleaned your mask and left it by your bed for you but you haven't even looked at it." Raph paused, "You never wanted to take it off when we were younger so why won't you put it on now?"

"That was in the past." Leo's voice was dark, a clear sense of anger hidden beneath the words, "That was before the Void…"

Raph's eyes narrowed,

"What is it about this ' _void_ ' you keep mentioning? It couldn't have been that bad, could it?" The words were meant to come out gentle, yet Leo winced as if they were razor sharp.

"You can't understand."

"Then help me to. There's no good in locking yourself up like this!"

Leo held his torso tighter, appearing much younger and even more vulnerable than he was.

"The void was something I wouldn't wish upon anyone else- not even… _Him_." Raph felt Leo shiver once again, "It's your worst fears, your failures and sufferings all rolled into one and you cannot escape." Leo subconsciously raised one hand to his face, where his mask used to rest, "We wear masks which reflect our personalities, yet now…" He turned to Raph, "What did mine symbolise?"

"Depth, stability, trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence and truth." Raph recited off by heart. Splinter had drilled each of their colour meanings into their minds so they could never forget what made which of them unique and a part of the team. Leo nodded.

"Exactly. I don't feel worthy of such powerful meanings- I will wear it when I feel like that again, but not now…" He met Raph's eye, "Y…you won't tell the others will you?" He smiled when Raph nodded in agreement. "Thanks Raph."

Awkwardly, the second eldest patted Leo's shoulder and stood before bending down to help Leo stand. Raph coughed, attempting to find something to say but as he saw Leo put a little weight onto his bad leg and wince, the hot head looped an arm around Leo and assisted him up the bank.

"Come on. You need some rest." Leo gave a pained grin and replied sarcastically,

"What, more than three months' worth?" However there was a slight sour undertone to the statement. Raph rolled his eyes.

"You just said yourself that those months weren't exactly peaceful. Anyway, you didn't sleep much last night either. When we get back home, there won't be any more chances for long sleeping periods!" Leo met Raph's gaze and smiled. Sure, it was still weak and laced with suffering, but at least it was heart felt. Cocking his head sideward as an invitation to move, the two brothers began to make their way back into the farmhouse, a little bit closer and a step closer to healing.

 **Donnie P.O.V**

It felt as if it had been a couple of hours since Mikey had explained everything, but then again- it may have just felt that long. The evidence was barely ten minutes long and he had only played it through completely twice- so adding another half an hour on top of that for the time he spent studying each frame only totalled fifty minutes- nowhere near the time which felt like had passed.

"Donnie?" Mikey sat glumly on a stool opposite the scientist in the barn, looking extremely guilty. He had only moved when they had heard their brothers returning from the forest and went into the house. Mikey had overheard Raph telling Leo to take a nap before Donnie had pulled the youngest back into the barn, in the fear that he would have to confront Leo before he was full composed.

Donnie looked up from the bench to meet his brother's eyes.

"I just don't get why you didn't say anything before?" He held up the device, waving it in front of Mikey's face, "Why did you hide it away? I could have used it to tend to his injuries more effectively."

The youngest twisted on the stool nervously before answering.

"Raph would have got angry and you would have blamed yourself. If you seemed to be struggling I may have told you- but after Splinter…" Mikey faded off. The first week at the farmhouse had been a difficult one, and Mikey had a good point. Everyone's emotions were already strained to their limits- this would have been too much.

"Go get Raph." The scientist placed the T-phone down with a sigh, "Leo should be still asleep."

Mikey poked his two middle fingers together in his innocent way,

"But what about April- or Casey- or waking up Leo?"

"I don't think we should show April and Casey without Leo's permission. This is something for us as a family… We'll explain to them later, but right now, I want Raph's opinion." Mikey looked sceptical, but went off all the same leaving the second youngest to curse himself for not thinking of sucn an obvious answer.

"They did WHAT?!" Raph screamed once Donnie had finished explaining about the contents of the T-phone. Out of the corner of his eye, Donnie saw Mikey bury his head in his arms and muttered a barley audible,

"Told you so."

The scientist rolled his eyes.

"Calm down, Raph. You heard me the first time." He put the T-phone down and gestured for Raph to look. He did so, and the next ten minutes were tense as Raph's face morphed from shock, anger, disgust and horror. As Donnie did not wish to view it again, he moved over to Mikey's side and waited for Raph to speak.

"There gonna pay." Raph growled looking up from the phone, "I'm gonna-"

"You're not doing anything now, Raph." Donnie snapped, ignoring the way Mikey flinched, "The most important thing is to help Leo recover!"

"But if that's the case then why hasn't he told us about…" momentarily lost for words, Raph held up the phone.

"Because of whatever they injected him with at the start. Quite possible a mix of anaesthetic and a paralysing toxin- an interesting-"

"Just stop it!" Mikey suddenly shouted, gazing teary eyed at his elder brothers, "This is why I didn't show you when I found it!" The youngest then put his head back into his arms and began to cry silently.

Just as Donnie managed to find it in him to try and move, the barn door opened and Leo hobbled in. He took one look at the crying Mikey and turned to the other two turtles.

"What's going on?" He limped over to Mikey's side and placed a hand on his youngest brother's shoulder. Then he spotted his own T-phone on the desk. His eyes narrowed, "Donnie?"

Struggling to form an answer, the smartest of the turtles found himself lost for words so twisted his hands nervously.

"Um… Well… We, uh… found out how you were injured…" He nodded at the T-phone but just as he opened his mouth to continue, Raph butted in.

"Basically, Shredder's goons tortured you and those sick monsters filmed every second of it on there. Mikey's been hiding it for the past three months."

 **DUN DUN DUN!**

 **Oh, tension, don't we all love an annoying cliff hanger!**

 **So:**

 **What did they do to Leo?**

 **How will Leo take it?**

 **How will April and Casey take it when they hear?**

 **Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, your ideas and comments are all fantastic so thanks!**

 **LL99 out!**


	9. Facing the truth

**Chapter 8**

 **Leo P.O.V**

The words washed over the eldest turtle's head like a tidal wave, " _Tortured you_ " " _Filmed every second_ " " _Mikey's been hiding it._ "

If it wasn't for his brothers' grave expressions, Leo would have thought he was hearing things. Sure- during the Void he had sensed the presence of dangerous forces around him, yet the sensation had been so brief and exploded with such ferocity, Leo had believed it to be an after effect from the Shredder's blades.

Blinking, Leo leant onto his crutch even more and moved to grab the phone, however Mikey snatched it away- quick as lightning- and held the device close to his chest with a simple,

"No." The youngest's eyes were brimming with tears, causing the eldest to wonder how bad the film really was.

"Please, Mikey." Leo met his brother's watery gaze and bent down slightly to be level with him, "Pass over the phone, I need to see that."

"Why? We've told you what it is." Raph unhelpfully grunted, folding his arms and moving to Mikey's other side, almost as if he were guarding the T-phone with his own body. Leo felt his gaze harden.

"So I can't see it even though you three have?"

"There's nothing you'd want to see." Donnie jumped in. That settled it for Leo- the clip had to of been bad for his brothers to jump in to protect him.

"Raph, Donnie," Leo muttered, not trusting himself to say too much in fear of his anger boiling over, "Just give me the phone." He held out a hand to accept the device, yet his directly younger brother batted it away.

"No." The red banded turtle's eyes hardened as he shook his head. That did it for Leo.

"Tell me something, Raph," Leo snapped, making his brothers' blink in shock, "Show me you have at least the slightest trace of empathy in that cold heart of yours and tell me that if you were in my place- just waking up to discover three entire months of your life are missing- that you would not want to know why your body is in constant agony, why you can barely walk or why-" The eldest cut himself off. He had said too much, knocking down the high walls he had built in a single swipe. Leo turned heel- not waiting for a reply- and limped from the barn. He felt his brothers' gazes upon his back, yet he did not turn. Instead, he hobbled into the farm house, past the living room where the two humans were and into the kitchen.

With a silent cry of fury, Leo slammed his fist onto the solid wooden table, making the glasses on top vibrate before suddenly realising his actions resembled Raph's rather than his own. The eldest turtle took a breath and struggled to manoeuvre himself into a meditative position on the floor- eventually settling for the crossed legged form due to the stabbing pain of his knee limiting the positions he could sit in. There, that was much more in character.

Unsurprisingly, within minutes, there was the sounds of footsteps and Leo listened to the muted conversation his brothers were having with April and Casey, only picking up tiny snippets: " _…Seen Leo?_ " "… _Kitchen?_ " " _…Happened?_ " " _…Explain later… clip…_ " But after failing to hear the entire conversation, Leo let everything slip away, emptying his mind like he used to do daily three months ago. Slowly but surely, Leo began to feel the pulse of tangible matter within his own mind- a sense of security and inner strength which could lead to peace if there wasn't a rough underlying presence of dread regarding the T-phone and-

Footsteps again. April and Casey had joined the other turtles and now there were moving as one towards where Leo sat, attempting to get back to the short moment of security he had just experienced. But since he couldn't fight back to the sensation, nor could he be bothered to face his entire family again, he remained in his meditative position, pretending to be deep in a trace despite the burning sensation of eyes boring into his form.

He waited, holding onto the calm exterior to hide his friends from the tension within- even though April was probably able to pick up on these emotions due to her physic powers- but after what seemed like forever of silence, Mikey's footsteps moved close, paused and a soft tap before the youngest turtle retreated once more and everyone else backed away. Leo waited a few more seconds before opening his eyes- his mediation plan ruined- but to his surprise, his youngest brother had put down the satisfying- if that was indeed the correct term to use- sight of his T-phone. The eldest felt a small smile creep up onto his lips as he realised his brothers now understood why he too must see the clip.

Picking up the phone, Leo opened the video folder, scrolling past the other clips of his brothers and sensei, most of which with large grins on their faces- except the one where Raph appeared frozen in terror at the cockroach Mikey had placed on his birthday cake. That was a good day. Then he reached the final video and the peace he had found earlier had completely vanished. The small image attached showed the menacing face of Razzar- his beady eyes glowing with evil intent. That had to be the one.

With a deep breath, Leo adjusted the volume of the phone so that no one else outside the room would be able to hear it, then composing himself, he hit play.

In all honesty, he was surprise his hands stayed steady for as long as they did, yet after the first few minutes, he was forced to put the phone down.

" _Hello turtles,_ " _Razzar began,_ " _We are sure you turtles will escape before we are finished with you so allow us to send you all a message._ " _Tiger claw stepped into the frame, the limp form of Leo over one shoulder and a syringe in the other hand. The big cat injected the entire contents of the syringe into the turtle's exposed neck and instantly Leo appeared to tense, yet he did not- or could not move._

" _Leonardo, the mightiest of the warriors and an honourable being has finally been defeated at Master Shredder's blades._ " _Tiger claw held Leo up by the arms so his blood stained front was visible for all to see._ Leo winced at this as his hands began to shake but he did not stop the video, " _And now he shall suffer for his actions against us._ " _In the background Fishface and Razzar were pushing forth a large metal cauldron which was steaming in the winter air, and that was when the true horror began._

 _"I personally, enjoy a bowl of turtle soup." The fish mutant grinned as Tiger claw handed the turtle to Razzar, who proceeded to drop Leo into the cauldron and a moan of pain could be heard, but due to the injection- Leo didn't seem to be able to move. After a long minute, he was pulled out of the water to reveal his dark green- almost red- skin. Razzar chuckled then threw the turtle into the snow, so burn marks wouldn't be as obvious, then repeated the process once, twice- three more times, until Leo's energies appeared to be sapped and he could no longer make any sound through pain. Then Xever went one step further and began to describe the best way to soften up turtle meat, punching and kicking the leader of the turtles until his already burnt flesh was bruised and torn. For a blissful moment, it seemed to be over, but then Razzar took the fish's place but using claws instead so when he was through, Leo was bleeding heavily, his blood forming a pool of crimson beneath him._

 _Finally it was Tigerclaw's turn._

 _"A mighty warrior will always attempt to take a stand upon waking, yet Leonardo will stand no more." And with that, he pulled out a heavy looking sledgehammer and brought it down hard upon Leo's kneecap- the sickening crunch of bone and a moan of unconscious agony escaped his mouth-_

Leo paused the clip and took a deep breath to calm himself. He looked at the ceiling and counted the cracks- of which there were twelve- and once his insides had stopped rolling, he watched the final moments with dread.

 _Tigerclaw dropped the sledgehammer with a solid 'thunk' onto Leo's shell, causing a slight dent to appear before he grabbed the turtle by the neck, lifted him off the ground, and began to squeeze. Leo's face went a dark green, then an aquamarine but as his skin reached borderline purple, Tigerclaw let go, allowing Leo to crumple to the floor where the cat gave one final- and slightly unnecessary- kick to Leo's already shattered knee._

 _Razzar took up position in front of the T-phone and snarled into the screen a final message._

 _"The leader of the turtles has been defeated. Be warned." The screen cut to black._

Leo just sat there for a long moment. He could just about deal with his injuries, yet it was the mocking words of his opponents which had really gotten under his skin. " _Will never stand again_ " " _He has been defeated_ " " _Be warned._ " Not only had the words been humiliating, they were addressed to his brothers- the ones who were supposed to look up to him for guidance. But now- because of that stupid video- they most probably looked at him with disgust, it- or even worse- disappointment.

He had failed them. He had a chance to defeat Shredder once and for all- to save Splinter, yet he had blew it. He was cut down and forced his family to retreat from their home, from their mission and their life. He had let everyone down.

Leo screwed up his eyes tight- to hide the anger he felt boiling inside- but after a few meditative breaths, he felt his emotions retreating slightly, and he struggled back to his feet, testing his weight upon the limb which had been shattered.

Yes, Tigerclaw had done a good job with the sledgehammer, but there was one small victory for Leo to consider. Despite the catman's words and harsh remarks, he was walking. He was alive and as long as there was breath in his body, he would continue to be a fighter and do his best to protect his family.

 **There you have it folks. How Leo got his injuries in my world!**

 **If you wish to do everything I just did to Leo but to me- I would completely understand! :)**

 **SO, what do you all think?!**

 **How will Leo act around his brothers next?**

 **What will April and Casey think?**

 **How is everyone dealing with Mikey hiding the video?**

 **Thanks as always to all who have taken the time to review! You guys are the best! Also, I'm sorry for the long waits but it is exam season so I can't do as much writing as I would like! :(**

 **See you guys soon and thanks again to everyone who continues to support my writing!**

 **LL99 out!**


	10. Reactions about the past

**Chapter 9**

 **Raph P.O.V**

Once Mikey had placed the phone in front of Leo, Raph had waved everyone out of the kitchen, Leo's words ringing clearly through his head, " _tell me that if you were in my place- just waking up to discover three entire months of your life are missing- that you would not want to know why your body is in constant agony, why you can barely walk or why-"_ Despite the eldest cutting himself off, Raph could guess what he was going to say, and why he had stopped himself.

Only Raph knew the extent of Leo's nightmares and how they were just- if not more- painful than his physical wounds for only Leo could see the true horrors. Leo was going to say, " _Or why you keep seeing blood everywhere._ "

Leo may not have informed his brother of the constant sea of blood which filled his mind, but the moaning during the night and the winces he subconsciously gave when he saw blood on the TV show Mikey had talked about, it was clear to tell what was going on in the leader's mind.

He couldn't say anything else because upon hearing about Splinter, Leo understood the clan all looked to him as the pillar of support. Raph may have taken charge in Leo's absence, but that had only been temporary. Leo was the strongest- even though it used to pain Raph to admit it- so the leader felt as if he needed to act like that for the sake of his family.

That was the reason Raph had waved everyone out of the kitchen, to give Leo some space and to compose himself before facing the others. Raph guessed his brother would take an hour or two, re-watching each part, much like Donnie had, as for Leo- he would not be analysing, he would be healing. To the eldest, Raph guessed the video would be a sort of closure, helping him to understand how he ended up injured in the first place.

In all honesty, Raph could see the reasons Leo wished to watch the clip, so the arguing had only been an act to attempt to bring like back to the way it normally was- however there was one thing for certain. April and Casey would not be watching the video- a least- not unless Leo wanted them to for a particular reason. The human teens had always been able to see Leo as the strong leader- they had not seen him cry, break down or loose it like Raph and his brothers had throughout their years as a family, so that would be the way it would stay. Before the turtles went into the kitchen to find their brother meditating, they had indeed stopped to inform the others of how Leo was wounded, but only in vaguest of terms. That alone was enough to shake both April and- to Raph's surprise- Casey.

So now all the group could do was wait in the sitting room for however long it took for Leo to return.

"So… How bad was it?" Casey awkwardly broke the building tension that was the silence, receiving an agitated glare from both April and Donnie. Ignoring the others, Raph shook his head as he crossed his arms, attempting to get a grip on the anger which had been building up since he had watched the clip.

"Bad." He grunted, "When we next face those jerks- I'll-"

"You'll fight them the same way as usual." Leo ordered from the doorway, his sudden appearance making everyone turn suddenly.

"Leo- dude- I didn't want to-" Casey began apologising, looking extremely embarrassed for prying, but Leo cut him off with a shake o his head as he limped further into the room.

"Yes, it looks bad, but it's in the past." But despite his authoritative tone, Raph could sense the uneasiness behind the words. Leo was shaken. "When we get back to New York- it will not affect our mission or how we carry it out. Clear?" he turned his head, meeting every gaze in the room, but when he reached Raph- the fierceness in his eyes seemed to waver.

The others all gave reluctant nods, yet there was clear that Leo was taking such a stand, showing that he- as the leader- could still be relied upon in a time of trouble. But that did not fool Raph in the slightest bit. He stood up to face his brother.

"So you're fine with it?" The words escaped the red banded turtle's mouth before he could stop them.

Leo met his gaze and instantly, everyone else seemed to drop away. Beneath the blue, grey depths of Leo's eyes there was clear turmoil, but beside it, there was a silent plea for Raph to back down, Leo didn't want trouble- not now- not like this.

"No. I've accepted it. There's no way to change what they did- so it's time to move on." Leo's voice was oddly calm and collected. Raph grudgingly nodded and sat down, but he hoped Leo could read his gaze which said- quite simply- _we'll be talking tonight. Whether you like it or not._

As Raph dropped his gaze from Leo, he realised everyone else was staring at him flabbergasted, obviously surprised at the lack of an argument and a burst of anger from Raph's side, but it didn't matter. Leo's eyes had flashed in understanding. The eldest knew why Raph had backed down.

Clearing her throat, April stood,

"I'll make drinks." She announced and left the room. Then silence fell once more, until Mikey reached in front of him to turn on the TV and began to flick through the limited amount of channels. Donnie and Casey followed suit, the latter pestering the former over some random heap of spare parts out in the barn. But Raph continued to stare forward at the TV, yet he did not take anything in. He was listening to the sounds behind him to make sure his brother was alright. There was the soft shifting of Leo moving about in the armchair by the fire to get comfy, followed by April's returning footsteps. A soft tinkle of cups told Raph she had placed the tray down and then a single tap as one cup was placed before the eldest turtle- green tea most probably- before April quietly ask Leo if he was _really_ alright. That brought a small smile to his face, asking Leo that was hightly unlikely to result in an answer.

"I just can't stop thinking about Master Splinter." Leo muttered to Raph's surprise, but Leo had obviously wished for the conversation to be muted, so faltered when everyone looked around at their father's name. The silence which followed showed they were all waiting for him to elaborate. "Maybe he's not really gone…" Leo's voice was straining with hope, "I mean- those squiralanoids were flushed but they were in dimension X…" Leo's voice faltered, both from use and from emotion.

"So you mean you want Sensei to be with the Kraang?" Raph grunted- hating to rain on his brother's parade. He too missed their father and teacher, but unfortunately- in the words of Leo- that was in the past. Nothing could be done about it now.

Leo bit back instantly,

"Of course not, Raph- it's just-" the leader sighed, "He nearly defeated Shredder before…" the falter in his words told Raph he was considering his own battle with the head of the foot clan, "I just refuse to believe he's 'gone.'"

"Leo-" Donnie spoke up, much to everyone's surprise. Donnie wasn't one for speaking about these sort of things but would rather stay quiet and speak when he felt the time was right and in a privet place, "We saw it happen. Shredder caught him off guard and threw him down a drainpipe." Raph watched his scientific brother blink back tears and Casey kindly look away to give Donnie a moment.

"Maybe Leo's right." April added, attempting to lighten the mood, "I mean- Splinter was a great ninja master." Although she made a good point- the word _was_ rang through everyone's minds.

"The greatest of the century." Raph pointed out before he could help himself. Suddenly the crushing weight of the loss of their father came crashing back once more, but Mikey being Mikey- made an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Hey dudes! The show's starting!" he cheered, but as the words left his mouth- the electricity failed, plunging the room into darkness. Ignoring Mikey's dramatic yell of desperation, Raph turned around to see April drop down next to Leo who was weakly shaking his head. Beside him, Donnie said he would fix it, but Raph's attention was on his elder brother who was attempting to tell the red head that he was fine as his voice betrayed him. The flash must have reminded Leo of when Shredder slashed him and turned his world black. Meanwhile Donnie had returned with a torch, just as the fire blew out, so the red banded turtle decided it was time to have a look at the chaos surrounding him.

"Great- looks like we need more fire wood." He muttered, but when no one answered, or offered- Raph put up his hands in defeat and moved over to the door, pausing next to the now standing Leo for a second, patting Leo's shoulder in reassurance.

They were going to have an interesting talk tonight, Raph thought as he left the house, however he didn't realise how interesting that night would turn out.

 **Another chapter, another day. This story has nearly filled an entire notebook and I haven't even reached the second episode of season 3 yet!**

 **So what do you think of Leo's reaction?!**

 **What will happen that night? (besides the creep as we all know that much!)**

 **Will Leo get over the blades in the dark?**

 **Will April and Casey ever find out about the full horror of the clip?**

 **The next update may have to wait two weeks as of exams- so I apologize, but hope it will be worth the wait!**

 **Thank you so much to all who have reviewed, you guys continue to support me and I thank you all from the bottom of my cold, murderous heart! ;P**

 **LL99 Out!**


	11. Searching is never easy

**Chapter 10**

 **Leo P.O.V**

As he watched the others go out into the woods, the eldest was both annoyed and glad that he could not go out in search for his brother. Of course he wished he was fit enough to go through the woods to help Raph- where ever he was, but then again, this was the first time since- well he couldn't remember when- that he'd been alone for a short space of time. Since emerging from the void less than twenty four hours ago, Leonardo had been constantly surrounded by his family, all ready to catch him at the slightest stumble or to comfort him about the things he'd gone through- which although was reassuring to know his family was there for him, the closeness almost distanced him even further from the others.

He was their leader, he needed to be strong for his family, yet since awakening from the Void all sense of responsibility felt like it had melted away, leaving the eldest feeling oddly vulnerable.

Shredder and his goons had done this to him. He told himself sternly, hating the frustrated thoughts aimed at his family- for this- for _all_ of this- Shredder would pay. Leo had lied when he told his family to let the matter drop, for he wished to face Shredder one on one again, but the next time- one of them wouldn't walk away. Of that, he was certain.

Leo placed more weight on his crutch and limped into the farmhouse, his anger over how weak he had become burning through his veins. He was now a shell of his former self- he could see that just from the way his family was treating him- as a weak, barely functioning shadow of the warrior he had once been. It was painful to accept three entire months had passed so quickly and without his knowledge, but with the sheer scale of pain and weakness of his body, so much so he couldn't even follow his brother across a creek- that was enough of a hint as to how long he was out for.

Yet more than anything, Leo wished he was strong enough to train- or even just hold an argument with someone- anything that would help to release the anger form his system and pump adrenaline through his deprived veins. He needed to move- but most importantly he wanted to do so without concerned faces following his every shaking step. He was not the helpless creature standing for the first time- but rather a fighter gaining strength with each step… Or at least attempting to.

With a disgruntled sigh, Leo recalled the way his brothers had attempted to make him feel as if everything was back to normal by second guessing his orders, sure it was annoying, but it filled up a small part of the void which was Leo's reality for it felt natural. Just because he was wounded didn't mean his brothers had to willingly do everything he ordered them to do- and thankfully they hadn't.

But his restless wanderings around the house wasn't without purpose- or even to blow off dome steam but rather the eldest of the turtles was looking for something- two somethings in fact- which he knew Raph had stored away after realising Leo's determination to train. Donnie had specifically ordered training to consist of leg exercises and nonstrenuous katas- without weapons of course- however, the once fearless leader was being drawn towards his swords like a moth towards the flame. In times of trouble, his blades had acted as an anchor of stability for him to clutch onto, so by taking them up once more, he hoped he would be able to feel something of himself return. The problem was, though, he needed to find them first.

Closing his eyes, Leo attempted to get a feel for Raph's mind and presence around the house through a form of meditation Splinter had taught him as a way of finding his brothers through their previous actions. At first the feel for Raph was strongest in the bathroom- for obvious reasons- but then the feeling was interrupted by an explosion of pain, anger and confusion as well as a mindless lust to smash out at something which sent Leo's mind spiralling back three months and the room melted away.

With a jolt, Leo found himself watching his final battle with Shredder's goons and saw the way his anger and fury had overtook him as he fought with such violence it was no surprise they had wanted payback. He watched as he kicked away Fishface, then Razzar then Tigerclaw, then- with horror- he watched as the Shredder silently dropped down behind him and lift his gauntlet up high. The former Leo turned, shock and fear clearly written over his features as the blades came down-

A sudden flash exploded in Leo's mind and he stumbled back- finding himself in the hallway of the farmhouse- as he desperately swallowed back bile which was crawling its way up his throat. It was only once he had sank to the floor did Leo realise his that his skin was damp with sweat, and that his whole body was trembling in excruciating pain- as if he had just gone through the fight physically again. _NO…_ he cursed, he _had_ to _fight_ it… He attempted to put his weight onto one leg, yet it trembled beneath him and would not hold, sending him crashing to the floor again with the memory and the pain a pair of weights forcing him down. With a gulp, Leo felt the tears of frustration form, but he did not wipe them away, and why should he. This was what he was now- there was no denying it, he was a broken toy which would never work again.

Leo bowed his head and attempted to hold back such thoughts and the growing sense of panic which was welling up inside. He needed to focus. He would never get better if he continued on like this… For his brothers. He would get a hold of himself for them.

But what scared Leo was how the memory had exploded while he was mentally searching for Raph. Did that mean that the Shredder had followed them all the way out here and was in the woods- possibly hurting his brothers?

No! He scolded himself sharply, wiping his eyes with his still shaking hand. That was ridiculous, Shredder was determined, but with the invasion- that would take priority, anyway- if something had happened to his brothers he would sense it… Wouldn't he?

His hand dropped once more- but this time not in defeat. He picked up his fallen crutch and wedged it under his arm to heave his wounded form off the floor. He had to move. First he would find his swords to train and if no one had returned in an hour, he would go and look for them.

That was- only if he would stop shaking…

 **Sorry it's only short but I merged the entire block of writing from the end of within the woods episode into one large chapter so thought I would do it in sections so you readers would get chapters more often and I wouldn't have a ten page long chapter!**

 **So:**

 **Why did Leo have such a sudden flashback?**

 **Where did Raph hide those swords?**

 **Will our poor Leo ever recover mentally?**

 **Thanks as always to all of you amazing readers, you are making this exam period seem so much nicer! XD**

 **LL99 out!**


	12. The thoughts of the scientist

**Chapter 11**

 **Donnie P.O.V**

Despite acting as if he was concerned about April and Casey going off together into the woods, Donnie couldn't actually care about the two teens. He had only second guessed Leo's orders for his elder brother's sake, hoping that he would feel a bit more like he had before the dreaded invasion. But what had scared Donnie was how Leo had spoken with April, " _Besides, I won't be much help out there anyway…_ " The sheer depression and hopelessness which had filled his eldest brother's tone was odd and the way he hadn't even tried to come and search for Raph was even more of a worry.

"I don't know, D," Mikey's whining voice cut through the scientist's thoughts, "You think he got lost?" Donnie was about to say 'obviously' but then realised Mikey needed comforting more than anything. The youngest had been so happy when Leo had awoken that he had drawn out a plan of all Leo's favourite katas and training exercises, but when reality struck home, Mikey took it hard. Donnie had seen Mikey's shock at Leo's barely functioning body, how he had witnessed the seemingly invincible Leo wince with every step and how Mikey had become aware that it was now the eldest who was the one in need of support rather than Leo helping others.

As the youngest, Mikey had the most idealistic view of his big brother due to always being sheltered from the harsh truths about leadership which Donnie and Raph had both seen. Mikey hadn't seen the way Raph had frozen up when taking Leo's place for a day, nor had he treated Leo for various bouts of depression, insomnia and night terrors like Donnie had. Mikey wasn't aware of the suffering of Leo because the eldest was just too stubborn to reveal anything.

"No, Mikey." Donnie eventually answered, "I think he just forgot the time."

"Maybe he got eaten by a rabid squirrel?" Mikey continued, his innocent eyes wide. Donnie smiled to himself at his brother, but decided the best way to calm him down would be through distraction.

"I do not think that, no. I'm just _freaking_ because April and Casey went off on their own. Alone."

"Why?" Mikey asked, seeming genuinely puzzled. Donnie dropped his head in defeat, attempting to come up with a way to continue his false problem, but before he could say anything, Mikey carried on himself, "Because they forgot to bring a compass?"

"No, genius, what happens when two teenagers who like each other go out into the woods alone?" Rolling his eyes, Donnie watched his younger brother tap his chin with eth torch, apparently thinking hard about the question. He paused, clicked the torch on and shone it over to a nearby tree, saw some squirrels and screamed.

"They get eaten by squirrels!" With a sigh, Donnie realised there was no point in attempting anything else, Mikey was just too much of a one track minded sort of turtle.

"You know what," he muttered, beginning to walk again, "Forget I said anything." After a moment or two of following the path, the two turtles came across a derelict building, "What's this?" Donnie muttered to himself. The shed looked as if it hadn't been used for years, but then again, April and her dad had left this place long ago so it should be no surprise.

"Let's check it out," Mikey came up alongside the directly older turtle and tapped Donnie's arm with an almost Leo like authority, but this moment was ruined by a Mikey-ish statement of a timid, "You first." Nope. No young version of Leo, this turtle was still Mikey.

Mikey continued to stand back as Donnie pushed open the shed door and swung his torch around revealing a vast array of tools, yet for the purple banded turtle, it was what lay on the work bench which captured his attention.

"Hello there…" He muttered as he bent down slightly to have a look at the glass bottle of Leo's medicine- the one Raph had admitted to leaving out by the lake after it having a bad effect on Leo's digestive system. But if Raph had left it- that meant that there was someone else out in the woods, and by the look of the circle of candles surrounding the bottle- that someone must be a fan of mutagen… Looking closer, Donnie thought he saw a smudge of something mud-like on the side of the bottle when suddenly, out of nowhere, a hand caught him around the mouth and pulled him closer, muffling his strangled shout of surprise. Following the shaking beam of light which Mikey was holding out, Donnie followed his little brother's gaze towards the pile of grass.

"Hello?" Mikey called uncertainly, releasing Donnie and once again reminding him of how much Mikey could take the lead like Leo. But the speaking out may not have been a good plan as with a growl, the pile of grass jumped up and charged at the two brothers, who only just managed to get out of the way in time while the creature fell onto its face- obviously some restraints were stopping it from moving any more. As the creature looked up, it's 'face' hostile, Donnie sucked in a shocked breath.

"I… I think it's Raph…" He muttered, taking in the red bandana.

"But he's all leafy and weird looking- like a salad!" Mikey half exclaimed, half joked, but Donnie's brain was on full blast- ignoring his younger brother's words.

"Something must have infected him," he continued to mutter to himself, "But what and how?" That was when he realised he sounded calm, yet in all reality he was stressing. There were both mental and physical sides to this problem- for both the eldest turtles. Physically, Leo was seriously wounded and side-lined for quite possibly a long time and Raph had been transformed into a savage grass monster with no recollection of the turtle he once was. That meant that the two strongest members of their team were down, but mentally there was another issue.

If- no- _when_ Raph transformed back- how would he hold up? Would there be a lasting effect on his body or mind? Would be suffer from nightmares of grass? Who knew- for Donnie sure didn't…? The purple banded turtle was a scientist and mechanic- not a doctor- for when Leo had been suffering with various disorders- it had taken Donnie months to notice, and by then it was nearly too late to do anything for his brother. That time was directly after they had lost Karai in the mutagen, and as the eldest, Leo had held himself responsible, but after a month it became apparent something was amiss with their eldest, for although Rapha and Mikey had celebrated a much more slack training schedule and less extra patrols, Donnie had begun to notice how Leo was moving with much less energy and had thick dark circles under his eyes, only seen when he once came out of his room forgetting his mask. When Donnie had approached Leo, the eldest had been reluctant to share what was going on, but eventually he had told the second youngest turtle that he wasn't sleeping as he kept having night terrors of Karai turning into a mutant as he had failed her and was forced to watch Karai attack their father. Leo had also shown signs of depression and there were even a few small cuts on his arms which did not look accidental, so Donnie had given Leo some sedative sleeping drugs so his brother could sleep, and thankfully, the leader had returned to normal after another month but Donnie still kept an eye out for such symptoms reoccurring. After Leo's fight with the Shredder, Donnie had been on high alert, but now, when he learnt about Raph- how would Leo react? Would this throw him right back into the arms of depression for if that did, Donnie was terrified he wouldn't be able to do anything as there was no way to get a hold of those drugs out here, miles away from the city…

But what stressed Donnie out the most was that, once again, it had fallen to him to patch up the team. But if- like he had for Leo- failed to find an instant cure- could they afford to lose another brother or would it sign the definite end to the Hamato clan?

 **Aww poor old Raph (for being turned into a plant), Leo (for suffering so much), Donnie (for the weight of responsibility), and Mikey (for just being so naive!)**

 **SO:**

 **Will Raph have lasting side effects?**

 **Will Leo be thrown back into that vicious state of depression?**

 **Will Donnie keep his head? (Quite literally as well as I mean he does get a pitchfork thrown at his face!)**

 **Will Mikey ever understand the idea of teenagers going out into the woods?!**

 **Thanks as always to you great people who have reviewed and don't worry there will be a much slower recovery to everyone than in the series! ;)**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	13. Fight of the body

**Chapter 12**

 **Leo P.O.V**

After several minutes, the eldest's mind had eased slightly from his flashback, but he was still troubled that the violent memories had assaulted him when attempting to tap into his brother's mind. It made him wonder if it was a mistake not going to search for his directly younger brother in case Raphael was in danger. No, he continually scolded himself, that was not possible. They were in the middle of nowhere, no enemy was a threat here… Weren't they?

Yet despite the constant worrying, during this time he had managed to find his swords with great difficulty. Raph had obviously listened to Donnie- which was a first- and had attempted to hide the two newly forged blades in a place Leo's currently injured state would not allow- the ceiling. True, Leo had not thought to look there but when he caught a glint of steel behind the rafters of the ceiling he had grabbed a chair and- admittedly with great difficulty- used his crutch to poke out the boards and out fell his swords and sheaths. Leo had smiled, Raph had tried, but now he had his mind set on recovering, the eldest wouldn't let anything stop him from training again.

Once he had managed to climb down off the chair, Leo had unsheathed his signature weapons only to discover the smaller of the two blades was a good hand shorter than it should be, yet apart from that, Raphael seemed to have spent a long time forging the weapons with skill. Leo was impressed and honoured his brother had put in so much effort for his sake. The weapons were truly a sight to behold.

Taking his eyes away from his swords, Leo turned his gaze to the clock to check how long Raph had been missing for- around three hours- and he decided that he would attempt- no, _do,_ a good half an hour of training by the edge of the woods before joining his family to search for Raph if they had not returned by then.

As Leo began to limp towards the front door, a thought hit him so he took a change in direction up the stairs and into the room he and Raph shared. On the bedside was the clean blue of Leo's bandana which had been washed since his fight so there were no longer any signs of battle left on it. He recalled his conversation with Raph about that very mask, " _I don't feel worthy of such powerful meanings- I will wear it when I feel like that again, but not now…"_ But when would he ever be ready again to be considered confident, wise and deep when his mind was in freefall and his emotions even more so. It would be a very long time, that much he was sure of.

All the same, Leo picked the bandanna up reluctantly, and wrapped it around the handle of his katana, hoping that through some bizarre cosmological fate, the fabric would seep its strength into the weapons and, in turn, into his shattered soul. He needed to be strong for his brothers, but now, he just needed to train.

Leaning on his crutch he turned around and moved slowly back down the stairs and out of the door. As he moved, Leo was comforted by the feel of the bandanna trails rubbing against his neck and the weight of the blades pressed against his shell and it dawned on him that these small sensations helped to relieve the gapping emptiness of the void where there was no sensation at all. It was also incredible to have been able to fight back from the near brink of death and from this, the world seemed that little bit brighter and more spectacular. Sure, in Leo's mind there was darkness, suffering and fear, but in the surrounding environment, there was new life and hope. Even the coolness of the katana blades in the sheaths against his shell sliced away a small chunk of the pain and sorrow which had engulfed the eldest turtle and he almost- even if it was for a short time- felt as if he could fight back for his family and be as he was before the fight.

That was, up until he stepped in a rabbit hole and jerked his bad knee so badly the new sense of life shattered into pieces, yet biting his lip to stifle the cry of pain, Leo tightened his grip of the crutch and continued on, only releasing the support once he had reached the training area under the tree.

Now Leo understood Donnie's warning of not training too hard- he was stubborn, not stupid- and knew his current condition would not improve with strenuous activities, so began with a simple kata, the first he had ever mastered.

Pulling out a single sword, he closed his eyes and, using both hands, he swung the sword forth, striking from the head before twisting around to aim for the neck then another turn and releasing the blade with one hand- step forwards-

"NO!" Leo cursed as his knee roared in agony and he felt himself drop forwards, landing awkwardly so not to damage his wounded limb further. "Focus, Leonardo," He scolded himself harshly, hating his weakness, "Get. Back. Up." This was his easiest kata so he shouldn't struggle. With a frown of frustration, Leo heaved himself to his feet, gripping the katana tightly for support.

Again.

 _Swing, head, twist, neck, turn, release, step, step-_ No! Not again! This time Leo picked himself up before the pain registered in his mind.

 _Swing, head, twist, neck, turn, release, step, step, twist blade face up, pause-_ yes! He was doing it, he was- _step-_ no. This time his arm twisted beneath him as he landed, making it even harder to get back up.

"Come on, Leo." The leader growled to himself, carefully getting back to his feet, "Again." He muttered as he reached for his sword, ignoring the sweat which ran in rivers down the side of his face and down his neck. He was seriously out of practise and this sliver of failure would not budge from his mind. If he did not complete this, it would weigh heavy on his mind for goodness knows how long.

Three more times Leo tried and three more times he fell, each attempt aggravating another area of his battered body, yet he still stood back up, taking out a second sword to balance himself more effectively.

 _Swing, head, twist, neck, turn, release, step, step, blade up, pause, step, step,_

This time the pain was almost too much and the swords sank into the earth as Leo fell to his knees, every part of his body joining the growing symphony of the pain's song.

"Get on your feet, Leo," he whispered, his sweat drenched palms grasping the handles of the fierce katanas, taking the weight as the leader dragged himself upwards, his arms shaking with the effort. "Stop whining, get up!" With a gasp, Leo found himself upright, but the pain of his arm was pulsing the worse and made him pause even longer- yet a rustle made him turn around. _Please say they've found Raph._ He found himself silently begging, yet he was surprise when the red that emerged from the branches was from hair rather than a bandanna.

"April?" He asked as the human girl emerged, limping heavily- her gaze slightly dazed and her face bruised. Suddenly she tripped and her eyes suddenly snapped wide as she registered who stood before her,

"Leo!" She cried, attempting to reach out, desperation filling her voice but as the eldest began to rush forth, his own body unable to move fast, April was dragged back into the darkness, her final cry for help ringing through his head as the turtle collapsed once more under the growing burden of pain.

But there was no time for self-pity, his family needed him. The time for training was over, it didn't matter if he was in pain as he had a mission to complete. He needed to ensure his family was safe and even if he was confronted by the dreaded Shredder again, he couldn't back down.

He was their leader and it was about time he started acting like one again.

 **Sorry for the long wait but I hope it's worth it. Also THANKS to** pownxmanonnie **for the idea about the swords hiding place! That was perfect!**

 **The fearless leader is beginning to emerge form his shell (excuse the pun!)so:**

 **How will he manage to find the others?**

 **Will he break down or stand strong?**

 **AND, as I know many of you guys want to hear these:**

 **How will Leo react to Raph?**

 **What happens to Leo's injuries?**

 **I hope to update soon, but who knows with my current schedule?!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	14. Fighting a monster

**Chapter 13**

 **Leo P.O.V**

Before the void, if his family had been in danger, Leo would have used stealth to keep to the shadows and then quickly taken out the enemy. But now- after losing to the Shredder and missing three months of training, his plan was simple: find his family then free them to allow them to take the lead- that was unless they were- no. Leo cursed himself silently. He couldn't think like that.

Once the explosion of pain from his knee had passed, Leo had moved back to where his katanas lay impaled in the ground when the bandanna around the handle caught his attention, reminding him of his earlier words once more, " _I don't feel worthy of such powerful meanings- I will wear it when I feel like that again, but not now…"_ With a sigh, Leo realised he needed his former self back now, and desperately. More than one of his family needed him, quite possibly all of them, and he needed to gain his confidence back as the leader in blue. Reluctantly, he untied the fabric and placed it to his face, tying the knot with the ease which came from years of the same action. It was then he realised he had closed his eyes, yet to his surprise when he opened them, the touch of the bandanna against his face seemed to focus his gaze and his mind.

Now was the time to stop cowering, he had to save the others- that was- if he was able to.

He was fearful of his opponent, for Leo was fully aware the Shredder was a possibility for he was the one which drove them from their home in the first place, yet somehow he realised this was not the leader of the foot clan, but rather a frantic and confused being. Sure, the leader could have a guess at that from the way April had been dragged off and how Raph had mysteriously vanished- presumably captured by the same _thing_ but at the moment the leader was looking down at giant footprints in the soil, the size screaming 'mutant'.

So now he had a trail, Leo swallowed, composing himself for the fight that was certain to follow, and limped on. So far the plan was simple and Leo just hoped it would stay that way.

After only a few minutes, the eldest of the turtles heard something and from the thump of each footstep, it could not be any of his brothers nor April or Casey. It had to be the target. Once he was certain the footsteps were echoing off in the opposite direction, the blue banded turtle poked his head around the tree he stood behind to take a look at his opponent and it was of no surprise the _thing_ was a mutant. But what was both surprising and helpful, was that the grass like being had the limp figures of the two human teens over it's wide shoulders, the shallow rise and falling of their forms showing they were alive. _But for how long?_

Shaking the dark thoughts from his head, Leo followed the creature, careful to be quiet and not to fall over himself, until his quarry came up to a wooden shed into which he walked. From inside he heard Mikey yell something about gross sticks and swap water and Donnie acknowledging April as the monster entered… No sounds from Raph… Then suddenly, Leo heard screaming from his two youngest brothers,

"Raph!"

"No! No! Raph!"

So Raph was there. That meant it was time to act. Inside he heard Mikey shout,

"I'll beat that mutagen straight outta you!" which was then followed by a scream.

Now! Leo told himself as he drew a throwing star from his belt, getting ready for the fight he knew he wouldn't be able to avoid. The monster wouldn't want to leave it's prizes alone.

"Help!" He called, hoping that the monster would come outside and leave his brothers alone. From the creature's movements, it only seemed concerned with finding prey and protecting it, so if Leo pretended- well, it wasn't actually pretending since he was in need of help- to be in trouble, he hoped the monster would act as he expected.

He waited for a moment, throwing star in hand until a giant forearm emerged from the shadows of the shed, grasping a pitchfork from the side of the door. It looked around, seemingly confused at who made the noise, but as Leo got ready to throw the shuriken, he realised the creature was wearing Casey's hockey mask. That did it. As soon as the monster's back was turned Leo let go of the throwing star, sending it spinning into the back of the swamp creature's head. Although the attack didn't seem to have much effect, it did land with a satisfying thunk.

Stepping from the shadows, Leo met the creature's eyes as it turned around.

"Give me back by family, freak." He spat, dropping his crutch and unsheathing his swords in his traditional way, yet as he glimpsed down at the shorter of the two blades he recalled how Raph hadn't quite got the measurements correct so had to quickly readjust his grip.

As Leo lunged for his opponent, a sudden realisation dawned upon him. He was in no condition to fight! How the shell was he supposed to stop this towering mound of living grass?! The reality came crashing down as the eldest turtle landed, his knee screaming in protest. Gaining his balance Leo swung his blade up, cutting the mask from it's face before jumping at it again, but this time it was ready and caught the blade and Leo himself. Great.

With difficulty, the blue masked warrior tried to break free, yet for his efforts he was thrown around like a rag doll before the monster lifted him high and threw him above the trees so he came slamming back down to earth far from any weapons except- grimacing in pain Leo looked up to see his crutch a few meters in front of him. Maybe that could-

He turned suddenly, hearing the crashing footsteps of the monster with- oh no! His sword was clutched tight in the creature's monstrous hand. Even that _thing_ could swing a blade to cause a fatal wound. Leo had to move.

Pulling himself to his knees, Leo made a move to crawl to his crutch, but horrendous agony exploded from the joint as weight was placed upon it forcing him to the floor once again. He moved closer on his front, leaving all weight off his lower body, aware of the footsteps approaching ever closer from behind. Three more shuffles, two more, one-

He grasped the wood of his cane and without a pause, turned over and jabbed it up, causing a roar of pain and anger to emit from the monster. Only then did Leo look up at how close he was to being impaled by his own blade. His breath caught. Man, he was lucky. The fierce steel of his weapon was in the exact place his head had been a moment ago. Too close.

With great difficulty, Leo grabbed his sword from the floor where it had been dropped as the monster squirmed, still reeling from the crutch implanted into it's head, and limped towards the shed, doing his best to ignore the fire spreading across his front, side, arm and leg. He looked down at himself and realised the cracked shell he had obtained during his fight over three months ago had reopened, leaving his front a mass of thick black cracks and scratches.

He'd deal with that later. Maybe.

Reaching the doorframe, Leo grabbed hold of the wood for support and observed the scene of chaos inside. Mikey and Donnie were swinging from the ceiling, bound tightly by vines while April and Casey were sat on the floor, wrapped head to toe in the greenery. And on the floor in the centre-

"Leo!" April called, her eyes wide and shocked at the fact he was there as well as how he was clutching the doorframe as if it were a lifeline. But his attention was solely upon the flower with a red mask draped over the top.

"What the heck is that?" He asked to no one in particular, but Donnie snapped up the question, swallowed it and hurriedly stated,

"It's Raph," Leo's breath hitched, "Long story. Quick! Get us out of here!" Blinking back his fear, Leo nodded then limped over to his family to free them, however standing for too long took it's toll and the moment his brothers dropped to the ground, Leo joined them, gasping for oxygen as his entire body began to shake with effort. He noticed Donnie's eyes on him but he shook his head to indicate he would survive and that Donnie shouldn't say anything. Suddenly Donnie screamed, and everyone followed his gaze to where the monster was approaching. The effect was instantaneous. Everyone- save Leo- who was in too much pain to move- jumped forth to barricade the door.

Once the job was done, Leo stood with his family, raising his sword, determined to protect those he cared about. Right now they needed to defeat this thing, then they could worry about Raph and Leo could find out what had took place before his arrival.

The first part would be easy, for when the Hamato clan stood together, they were undefeatable against any opponent, even a giant pile of evil, living plant…

At least that's what Leo hoped.

 **Sorry for the long wait! Our family holiday was ruined by EasyJet- DO NOT USE THAT AIRLINE! (In short they delayed our flight by 3 hours then canceled our entire holiday and left us desperately searching for another one.)**

 **...**

 **Ahem, anyway, so back to the story.**

 **I know this chapter was rubbish and boring, but the bro moments and tension will pick up in the next chapter, see ya all there!**

 **Questions are as follows:**

 **How will Leo react to the tale of the creep?**

 **Will he ever decide to put down the sword for one second and recover?**

 **Will he suddenly recover in a blink of an eye?! (I think you all know that since I' the episode!)**

 **LL99 out!**


	15. Blame is a monster itself

**Chapter 14**

 **Leo P.O.V**

Once the creature Mikey had called the Creep was securely chained to the tree and Casey had directly told the monster that it shouldn't have touched his mask, Leo finally managed to calm his erratic breathing and got the words out which he had been going over and over during the course of the battle.

"Do you really think you can save Raph?" He met Donnie's sad brown eyes in desperation, searching for the truth.

"Honestly? I don't know, Leo, I just don't know…" Everyone's eyes turned back to the Creep and the green glow of Raph's mutagen beneath it's surface. After a long moment the eldest cleared his throat.

"Alright, how many do you need to get that back into your lab?" He questioned his genius brother with a nod at the monster. Donnie clicked his tongue in thought,

"Judging by size, I would say me, Mikey and Casey should manage it fine. If you and April could take… _Raph…_ back," he faltered, but judging his discomfort in continuing in his reference to his brother as a plant, Leo leant against the pitchfork he was still holding, and rose shakily to his feet.

"Sure." He muttered, and limped back to the shed. Inside he took a sad look at the red bandanna across the plant and attempted to control his rising panic.

His brother was a plant.

His brother had lost his mutagen.

Raph was now-

"Leo?" April came up behind him and keeping his hands steady, the eldest tried to bend down to pick up his brother but his knee trembled so much he could not bend far. The red haired teen grabbed the turtle's shoulder to support him yet Leo shrugged her off, determined not to look weaker than he felt, but when she offered a shy,

"You want me to-" gesturing at the flower hopelessly, Leo snapped.

"No! Haven't you done enough? Raph's my brother- I'll protect him! He doesn't need you to screw things up again, like back at the lair! You-" That was when Leo knew he had gone too far. The teen's face screwed up in pure anguish and she turned and fled out the shed and into the woods before the turtle could take back what he had said. Cursing under his breath, Leo scooped up the plant- no- Raph- and hobbled after his friend, if of course she still wanted to be after his cruel and uncalled for words of hatred.

Thankfully, the guys were so absorbed with figuring out how to move the mass of grass back to the barn that they didn't seem to notice the raised voices or April running off. Man, he felt like a hopeless leader, yelling at a team member who had done nothing but help them for the past months, who had left her home and her mutated father to shelter them- no- _him_.

Once out of earshot of the guys, Leo called out into the woods, hoping for a reply,

"April! April, I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking… April!" Yet he received no reply. Turning, Leo searched for any signs of a distressed girl running past the area, however he caught hold of something much more useful, the soft sound of sobbing to the right. Taking a few calming breaths to clear his mind, Leo limped towards the direction of the crying until he reached a small clearing which April was kneeling in the middle of, hugging her knees to her chest.

"April…" Leo murmured, moving closer, causing her to jump up in fright- "Please- just hear me out-" he pleaded before she could run. "I didn't mean what I said- I was just angry… I'm so sorry, you've done nothing but help us and this was how I repaid you…" Leo met the girl's damp eyes and continued, knowing that he had captured her attention, "I don't blame you for what happened in New York, if anything it was my fault for not formulating a backup plan or getting our shells out of the city sooner. I know you wanted to stay and help your dad, but instead you left everything and made sure my family was safe. April, I cannot express how thankful I am, or how much I regret saying those words to you earlier. I'm just stressed about Raph, and-" but that was all he could get out for April had run up to Leo and suddenly embraced him, sobbing into his shell. Awkwardly, Leo wrapped the arm he was holding Raph in around her, balancing himself against the crutch with difficulty. April sniffed then looked up to meet Leo's eyes,

"Sorry…" she muttered, "I shouldn't have run off either, but…" she sniffed and let go of the turtle and led him to a rock where they could sit, "I've been blaming myself about the invasion. The Kraang were after _me_ and I brought Irma to the lair. If I hadn't there wouldn't have even been an invasion." She drew her knees up, "Donnie told me you wanted to find a secondary base a month or so before and I may have got mad at you through him… I think he only argued with you because of what I said to him…" Leo just looked at her in shock. He knew the girl was tough but convincing Donnie to side with you was like getting Raph to follow an order after an argument… _No- don't think of Raph_ … Anyway, it was quite an achievement.

Leo touched her hand in comfort,

"No matter what you think, it wasn't your fault. There were too many factors to place blame upon anyone or thing, so I just want to apologise and remind you that I owe you my life, so, I should never had got mad at you." April frowned.

"How do you owe me your life? Surely you owe Donnie, or Raph, or even Mikey- not me. All I did was-"

"Find a place for us to hide and recover. Don said that it was probably your quick thinking of this place that allowed me to recover, and for our family to slip away from the city." Leo finished. April met his gaze and smiled, then embraced him once more.

"I'm glad you're back, Leo." _Not quite, but close enough_ Leo thought, his mind still on his nightmares and wounds which still burnt after the fight with the Creep.

Once the moment had passed the two got up, and April offered Leo her shoulder to lean on so he could move with much more ease which he accepted.

"Come on, let's go save your brother." April smiled, "I know Donnie can."

Leo nodded his head in silent thanks for the reassurance as they moved out of the clearing. But if she was wrong and Raph couldn't be re-mutated- or whatever the term was- Leo knew the blame would fall upon his shoulders. He was the one who made the team retreat, it was his puke which infused the ground with mud and it was him who allowed Raph to go out alone.

Whatever way it would turn out for Raph, one thing remained true.

Leo had all but handed his brother a death sentence, and there may not be any way to take it back.

 **Oh Leo, why are you so like Raph when stressed?!**

 **So:**

 **Will April accept she saved the guys?**

 **How will Raph be?**

 **How will Leo feel?**

 **Thanks to all your continued support! Only another 4ish chapters to go!**

 **LL99 out!**


	16. Supporting your brothers

**Chapter 15**

 **Leo P.O.V**

With a pained sigh, Leo began to climb the stairs slowly, both due to his multitude of reopened wounds, and the fact Raph had gone to bed early, so Leo did not wish to wake him. The events of the night had really taken it out of his directly younger brother who could only remember being grabbed before blacking out. Thankfully, in Leo's mind, Raph could not remember the ways he had attempted to attack the youngest two turtles, but it was more about being unable to do anything to help which Leo knew would frustrate his hot headed brother. The eldest did plan to go upstairs with Raph to 'go to sleep' as he was 'tired' but Donnie had held him back, demanding the truth if he was alright after the fight.

Leo had said that his knee throbbed a little more than usual after having to go without the crutch for a while, and told Donnie that the cracks in his shell front didn't hurt. The scientist then made a fuss of cleaning the cracks and filling them with some paste like substance which supposedly healed shells faster than normal before redressing the supportive bandages around his knee. Both of these statements were drastically underrated for Leo's knee was an explosion of pain with every step or the slightest knock and his shell burnt and felt like his insides were about to cramp, yet due to Donnie still being stressed out from Raph's ordeal, he didn't seem to question what his eldest brother said. However, it did appear that Donnie had had an ulterior motive for keeping him back. He seemed to want to speak with Leo alone.

"Um, Leo…" The eldest looked up, "You… You will keep an eye on Raph tonight, won't you?" The scientist's voice was uncharacteristically tense and frightened. Leo nodded in agreement as well as to signal his brother to continue explaining why, "It's just that… I mean… I don't know if there'll be any… side effects- physical or mental. I can look out for the physical ones, but me and Raph… You know, we're not the most emotionally alike…" He faltered, looking unsure if the point was coming across. The blue banded turtle had nodded again to show his understanding, hiding the wince as he jogged his shoulder, sparking another wave of pain. "I'm a scientist, Leo, a mechanic. I work on spare parts and computers- not complex biological fusing of mutated turtle DNA and turtle puke and grass. I mean, you know how long it took for me to notice your insomnia and depression… I just- I-" Leo had taken the moment to pull his second youngest brother into a hug as the genius shook in his embrace, apparently attempting to keep his emotions together and stop himself from a full breakdown.

"You've done more than anyone else could, Donatello," Leo soothed his brother, rubbing his shell in circles, a family thing, "You helped me then, and lately, and you've done the same with Raph. I will keep an eye out tonight, and alert you at the unlikely event of something happening." Donnie looked up with slightly damp eyes, still looking stressed, but less than before. "You've saved our entire family more times than we can count, so you must have enough knowledge of genetic what-you-mer-call-its in that massive brain of yours." Leo smiled, gaining one from his little brother.

"Thanks, Leo," Donnie muttered as he pulled away from his elder brother, "And if you need me for whatever reason- don't be afraid to call." The scientist turned back to his desk but as Leo got up and moved to the door, he heard Donnie's soft voice mutter, "We've missed you, bro."

That may have been true, but the warrior Leo once was still wasn't back yet. Shredder and his goons had done a good number on him, so even after such a small battle, Leo felt as if he had been run over with a bus with his insides pulsing painfully due to the shell cracks while his overworked muscles screamed in protest of each and every step. In a way, now he was kind of glad Donnie had held him back for he knew Raph would now be asleep, so now he wouldn't have to be embarrassed of being out of breath, but more importantly, it would be easier to hide his plan of not sleeping. After the night before where he had seen himself murder those he loved most, Leo did not wish to close his eyes again for fear of actually finding his weapons as he slept, now he knew where they were, and use them on his brothers.

However, all these self-orientated thoughts were quickly swept away as the eldest entered the bedroom for Raphael was thrashing and moaning in his sleep, his mask free face screwed up as his arms seemed to strangle the air. Ignoring his own wounded state, Leo hobbled over and grabbed his brother's hand.

"Raph! Raphael! Wake up!" But his brother's tormented mumblings continued, so dropping his crutch, Leo grabbed both of Raph's shoulders and shook him violently in the hope that would do the trick. Thankfully, it did, and at the sudden action, Raph's emerald green eyes flew open wide, appearing scared, then lost and finally as he took in his brother's concerned face bending over him, the chiselled features turned steely.

"W…what?" Raph attempted to act casual but his attempt failed miserably as his voice wavered. With a sigh, the blue banded turtle bent down to retrieve his crutch from the floor, then sat down on the side of the bed.

"Let me guess. That was a flashback." It wasn't a question but all the same Raph reluctantly nodded, "You want to talk about it?" A shake of the head and Leo gave a small smile at his brother's stubbornness, yet the irony of how their roles had reversed once again hadn't escaped the eldest, but instead of forcing Raph to speak, Leo continued, "Well then," Leo placed a hand on top of his brother's feeling the tremble underneath, "I just want to say this now, Raphael, that I know you would never hurt any of us, or become so consumed by your anger that you would become a real monster." For a moment Raph didn't reply but continued to look down at his bedsheets, and Leo feared he had read his brother's emotions wrong, however eventually Raph confirmed Leo's evaluation with a quiet,

"How did you know?" This wasn't the same Raphael who had pushed Leo to train harder earlier that day, but rather a shaken shell –excuse the pun- of the turtle he usually was. This must be a mental side effect which Donnie was hinting towards.

"Because I know my brother and despite the tough guy act, you actually do care about your family. You showed that during the past three months when you had to put aside your own emotions, but-" Suddenly Leo froze in his speech, his hands leaping to his side as his face contorted in agony.

"Leo!" Raph jumped into action and took his directly elder brother's shoulders, "What is it?"

Leo tried to shake his head, but the pain was too much. Where he had fought the Creep earlier had defiantly taken its toll, he knew he should have spoken to Donnie, but compared to Raph, his complaint was minute and insignificant.

"Donnie!" Leo heard Raph scream, but all of a sudden it sounded a long way off, as if he were slipping away again. NO! He suddenly began to panic as he remembered the dreaded void. He did not want to go back there again, he couldn't- he would fail his brothers if he did…

There were distant footsteps, a collection of faraway voices and his name upon many lips…

Then…

Nothing.

 **DUN DUN DUN!**

 **SO:**

 **What happened?**

 **What will the guys' reactions be?**

 **Will Leo escape the darkness of his own mind?**

 **See ya all in the next chapter!**

 **LL99 Out**


	17. Revealing hidden secrets

**Chapter 16**

 **Raph P.O.V**

The moment Leo had stopped midsentence, Raph knew something was seriously wrong. Not only was it the way his brother had grasped his side, his knuckles white, but Leo's eyes had flashed so suddenly with agony that the eldest couldn't hide it, meaning that this was no ordinary pain- it was unbearable.

As Donnie sprinted up the stairs with Mikey and Casey on heel- April was collecting the firewood Raph had dropped- Leo had fallen limp and for a terrifying moment Raph believed his older brother had just dropped dead in his arms. Thankfully a quick check for a pulse had come back positive, signalling that he was in fact alive.

Donnie had taken one look at the collapsed leader and Raph's shocked expression before cursing and asking Raph to lay Leo down on the bed. He then turned to Casey and asked if he could give them some space, which he complied with, leaving the room but not going down stairs as Mikey sank to the floor, his face pale, but the two middle turtles barely noticed.

"I should have checked him more thoroughly after the fight!" Donnie snapped at no one in particular as he checked his eldest brother over. "He must have over exerted himself…" He suddenly turned to Raph, his eyes cool and calculating, not giving any emotion away. This was the scientist, the brother had been closed off for the moment. "Raph, what happened?"

The red banded turtle struggled to put the sudden happenings into words for a moment.

"He… he was speaking like normal, and then he kinda stopped, grabbed his side and collapsed…" Raph faltered, "Will he be okay?"

Donnie took another look at their unconscious brother and straightened rubbing his eyes.

"In a few days- possibly, but…" now it was Donnie who couldn't find the words, Raph could see the scientific turtle's massive brain debating on whether or not to tell them something, but as he was about to open his mouth, Donnie seemed to change tact.

"I think the Creep must have knocked his shell loose again, judging by the cracks and the fact he grabbed his side- this must have caused his shell to press against his organs so that's the pain he felt…" The genius added a barely audible, "He should have come to me with this…" before continuing, "From his reaction, I suspect his body will need to shut itself down from the shock of it all for a short period of time-" Donnie held up a hand as Raph felt his eyes widen, "NOT for another three months, but probably a day or so, just so his system can overcome the massive trauma it received…" his voice faded.

"But?..." Raph prompted, reading his directly younger brother's face perfectly.

"But," Donnie sighed, "I'm worried about when he wakes up again…" He paused as Mikey suddenly looked up, seeming to come into the conversation.

"Why?" the youngest queried, his baby blue eyes wide and damp. Raph moved across the room and sat next to the orange masked turtle, placing an arm around Mikey in comfort, but holding no answers for him. Both of them looked up at Donnie who looked as if he were debating a serious matter. Eventually he seemed to decide it was best to speak, and opened his mouth, his words confusing his brothers.

"You guys remember Karai's mutation? How Leo became really withdrawn afterwards?" There was a long pause in which Raph and Mikey shared a look.

"What's this got to do with-" Raph began, but a look from the Brainiac silenced his protests, "Yeah, of course- but what-"

"Leo blamed himself, more than usual-" Donnie interrupted, hating the fact he was betraying his brother's secret but knowing deep down that it was time for the burden to be shared. "He got really bad depression, night terrors, insomnia- the whole lot. That's why we had less training and spent less time with him."

Raph just stared past Donnie, looking at his elder brother laying prone on the bed, his passive face hiding all evidence of suffering as it had all that time ago.

"So the scars on his wrists-" Raph muttered, remembering seeing them before, but thinking they were just some old battle wounds. Donnie nodded in confirmation. "W- why didn't he tell us?!" The hot head muttered, turning his gaze to Donnie as his voice grew more hostile and dripping with annoyance of his inability to see that his brother was suffering, "And why did he tell you?"

Mikey, during this had slumped into Raph's side, hugging his own knees as he stared at his eldest brother, the one he had always looked up to as a role model but who, despite his seemingly invincible exterior, was really hiding his own demons.

Donnie joined his brothers on the floor and placed an arm around Mikey, brushing against Raph as he did so making Mikey relax slightly, yet he still stayed silent.

"Why do you think, Raph?" Donnie sighed tiredly, "You think I wanted to keep Leo's… _problem_ a secret, you think I wanted him to sneak in my lab once a week for a private counselling session which I have no experience in?" The scientist rubbed his eyes with his free hand, "He asked me to keep it quiet. Besides, he didn't come to me at first, I was just up one night in the lab when I heard him pacing the floor by our rooms. I checked on him and he was falling apart because he couldn't find me and was certain his 'dream' had come true and I was dead." He shook his head sadly and added almost to himself, "I've never seen him so scared…"

Mikey muttered something into Raph's side and the two middle turtles looked between them at the youngest.

"What was that, Mikey?" Donnie asked gently, aware of how hard his little brother was taking the entire ordeal.

"So why you worried for when he wakes up?" Mikey's voice cracked as he raised his head to be heard, "You think he'll-"

"No." Donnie replied firmly, yet Raph saw a flicker of doubt in his brother's gaze, "I'm just worried he'll get more closed off again as he probably thinks it's his fault he got… _tortured…_ and that we've been here for over three months, and after tonight, he's bound to think it was his fault the Creep de-mutated Raph."

"What?!" Raph exclaimed, "He couldn't do anyth-" then it dawned upon him and the genius nodded, silently telling him to continue, "Because he couldn't do anything…" The second eldest cursed, raising a fist and turning slightly to hit a wall, but thought better of it and settled upon resting his head against it instead. "So what do we do?" he eventually muttered.

Mikey turned to the eldest once more to watch the steady rise and fall of his chest before tapping Donnie on the arm,

"We won't let him do anything stupid-Leo-like." Donnie and Raph noticed the youngest's eyes light up with determination, "we stay with his like before and be there for him when he gets up!" He paused in thought then asked, "Could he hear us if we spoke to him now?"

The scientist frowned, pursed his lips and sighed,

"Honestly, Mikey, I don't think so. We got no reaction when we tried before- the chances of him hearing us now-"

"Are very likely." Raph cut in. He looked at his directly older brother then to his younger siblings, "when he woke up he said he'd heard me…" the hothead froze, choosing his words carefully so not to sound unlike the tough guy he pretended to be, "I may have been talking to him," he admitted, gaining an 'awww' from Mikey, but silencing him with a slap to the head, "and Leo said our voices brought him back… He admitted he thought he was dead at first until he heard us, but then he couldn't escape this… _void_ as he calls it…" Raph faded off but his brothers seemed to understand. Raph for one knew that the youngest two turtles often forgot that Leo was only marginally older than him and that Donnie and Mikey were in turn, close to Raph in age. To the youngest two, Leo was a role model like Splinter, but this was so much so that they all forgot their brother was still just a teenager like them and not some legendary warrior of times gone by- although, Raph mused, he deserved to be.

When no one broke the tense silence which had settled about the room, the red masked turtle untangled himself from his brothers and moved to Leo's side.

"Don," he cleared his throat, "We just gonna leave him here, or do we need another bath run?" The scientist tapped Mikey's arm and together they stood.

"No. We can just leave him here, but I'll need to grab an IV tube and some nutrients to keep his systems up, but apart from that it's just like a natural sleep…"

"Only deeper and way more scary." Mikey murmured quietly. No one contradicted him.

There was a knock at the door and with a sudden realisation, Raph recalled they had told Casey to give them some room, leaving the black haired teen waiting outside.

"Come in Case!" Raph shouted through the door as he helped his two younger brothers arrange the eldest's bed so he would be more comfortable. The human entered, his features full of genuine concern.

"Man, what happened?" the three brothers looked at one another, then to Donnie. Raph nudged him and muttered,

"You're up, genius."

 **Oh Leo, you need to open up more! Look what's happened now!**

 **SO:**

 **When will he wake up?**

 **What will Casey and April's reactions be?**

 **What will the bros do when the eldest awakes?**

 **Thanks for all your continued support!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	18. Raging anger

**Chapter 17**

 **April P.O.V**

"So how long should he be like this for again?" April asked as she entered the bedroom for the fifth day in a row, bringing up meals to the three youngest turtles who had barely left their eldest brother's side.

"-Week-" Donnie managed to get out through a yawn, his eyes unfocused and dropping from lack of sleep. He rubbed them, yawned again, then took one of the bowls of soup from April, "Thanks." He took a spoonful as he looked over the still unconscious Leo and the sleeping Mikey and Raph, both of whom were curled up to both fit onto the second bed. If it wasn't such a depressingly tragic situation, April would have found the way Raph had an arm tight around Mikey an adorable sight. However, due to the situation being the result of five days on a constantly shifting rota of watching Leo patrol, April knew the guys had been pushed to their limits and needed their older brother with them once again. Donnie sighed as he set down the half empty bowl,

"I just don't know…" he muttered, "His vitals are perfectly normal, but medical standards he should be up and moving, but it's like he's refusing to wake up. Even when we speak to him…" He bit his lip, "But Leo's not one to hide from anything, not even any so called 'failure.' There must be something deeper psychologically…" He turned sharply to April, a small flash of hope in his gaze, "April, you dad's a psychologist- do you know anything that may cause this?"

April shook her head sadly, hating the way her friend's eyes sank back into depression.

"I didn't really get what he was on about, but…" she held a hand up to Leo's direction and placed the other on her head, "I hadn't been able to get much of a reading from him these past days, but now… now I can feel… something…" April gathered her energy and moved closer to the dark swirling void in front of her, "It's dark and powerful… Shattered images… Is that-" then she cried out and sank to her knees and in an instant Donnie was next to her, guiding her to a chair.

"What was it, April?" he asked, both hopefully and fearfully. Through her blurry vision April was aware of Raph and Mikey jolting awake at the commotion and she vaguely heard Donnie give a quick explanation.

"I saw…" she gulped to keep her voice steady, "It was Leo's unconscious mind- he doesn't know about it himself but it's affecting him. There was Fishface, Razzar and Tigerclaw… It was horrible…" she turned to the turtles around her, "That was them torturing him, wasn't it- that video clip on the T-phone?" They nodded in confirmation. She shut her eyes and saw herself as Leo and the pain he had experienced, "They're monsters…" she muttered coldly, hating what they had done to their leader more than she did already, but the brothers remained silent. "They're going to pay- every one of them-"

"April, calm down." Raph moved forward and put a hand on her shoulder. The redhead looked up at the turtle in confusion, her mind swimming with the fractured images that Leo did not consciously know he possessed. "Getting angry won't help him now. We need to stay calm. For Leo." Behind Raph, the others nodded apparently used to this new, calm Raph, however April wasn't sharing the sentiment. She stood up suddenly.

"How can you say that?! How can you not want revenge on them for hurting Leo, how can you? Are you fine with Leo being broken?" The moment the words left April's lips, she regretted them. Tears sprung up from Mikey's eyes and Donnie suddenly became pale while Raph's eyes became hard. "Oh, guys- I'm… I'm sorry…" April gasped, realising her mistake, "I didn't mean-"

"Leave." Raph whispered coolly, "Please, April. Just go see Casey. We'll look after our brother." The human teen looked to the two other turtles, yet neither met her eyes. With a quick sob, she turned heel and ran downstairs, only pausing once she was outside the living room when she burst into tears. It was alright for the guys, they didn't have the power to see into other's minds and see their suffering and feel their pain. They didn't have to be whisked into the mind of someone who was mentally, physically and emotionally at the end of their rope. They could kid themselves that Leo would be fine, but April couldn't. Not after being in his mind.

It took a few minutes to compose herself before she dared to enter the living room to the sight of Casey spread over the sofa, snoring loudly. The nice, gentle part of April's mind told her to leave the hockey player be as he hadn't had much sleep, but the part which had just watched Leo's torture decided that as no one else in the house had slept much, she should kick him awake. So she did.

"What! Huh, Red?" Casey half yelled, half yawned, but whether it was her bloodshot eyes or her fierce expression which did it, whichever it was made the black haired teen sit up and ask a kind, "what's the matter? Any change?"

April shook her head and plonked down next to her friend. How could she say that she just messed up big time, that she had seen what had happened to their leader or how they had told her to leave? In short she felt useless.

"What can we do, Casey?" she muttered eventually.

Casey shrugged hopelessly.

"No clue, Red. The guys are taking this hard. I mean, they're not speaking much or training…"

"Wonder why." April snarled sarcastically, "I mean, it's not like Splinter's gone, Leo fell into a three month coma which is taking forever for him to recover from and how he was, I don't know, _tortured_ or something. Raph was turned into a plant and now Leo's back in a coma. No, no idea why Mikey's withdrawn, Donnie's stressed and Raph's suddenly become the model of leadership?" Casey blinked at her outburst.

"What's eating you, April?"

April sighed and put her head in her hands, her emotions raging out of control,

"I just don't know how to act around them anymore, I mean, we forget their just the same age as us, don't we… They always seem, I don't know," her voice softened, "untouchable, but now…"

"They're vulnerable." Casey finished, "But I wouldn't put them down yet."

"But how are they going to come back from this, Casey?" she raised her face, "Leo's always been strong but now…" She sighed again, "I saw into his mind, Casey. He's suffering, really bad. I said he was broken." She finished in a whisper, "and they told me to go." The boy let out a long, low whistle.

"That was low." He muttered. That did it for April.

"How can you say that? I saw his mind, Casey, I saw what Shredder's crazy band of mutants did to him, they beat him and tried to boil him alive!" Casey went a bit green around the edges, "Leo's always about the mission and honour so why won't he try to fight his way back again and recover so we can save New York? Our families are now mutants and-" Casey's passive gaze caught her eyes and she stopped suddenly, "What, Jones? You think I'm being selfish?" Yet to her surprise, Casey just shrugged.

"I thought the same a week ago, Red, but I was talking to Raph, and from what he said, Shredder has really messed up Leo…" He clicked his tongue against his gap in thought, "The thing is, the guys all look up to Leo and without him, they're lost. Beneath the 'Leo this' and 'Leo that' Raph really respects the guy- I mean turtle- whatever- so when he's down, it's reminding them all of what they've lost back in the city. I think they're just scared of losing him too." April felt her mind growing calmer, Casey's speech seemingly refreshing her concerns and anger, "So yeah, of course I'm mad, but they just need time 'fore we go off and save the city. When we take down those alien scum, it'll be all of us behind our leader having all the fun of smashing those brain things into a pulp!" Casey slammed one fist into the other to emphasize his point before suddenly looking up. April's gaze followed suit when she heard it as well. It was faint and quick, but it was there.

A voice, a cry and a rush of feet.

Something was happening…

 **DUN DUN DUN! Not the whole, something happening part, but the April with an anger problem! ;P**

 **Sorry for the long wait, blame me forgetting my laptop when I went away!**

 **So:**

 **What's happening?**

 **Will the guys forgive April?**

 **What will Casey do about everything?**

 **Thanks for all the support, next chap coming soon!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	19. Of broken minds and shattered bonds

**Chapter 18**

 **Donnie P.O.V**

Once April had left with her cruel words ringing in the brothers' ears, Donnie had finished his soup quickly as the tension levels rapidly rose. Admittedly, he did not even taste the boiling liquid as it slipped down his tight throat, yet as he scrapped up the last spoonful, he felt slightly nauseous.

 _"How can you say that?! How can you not want revenge on them for hurting Leo, how can you? Are you fine with Leo being broken?"_

 _Broken._

April could not know how close she had struck to the bone. She couldn't know about Leo's depression and his own confessions of failure, she just couldn't… Or could she? When she had glimpsed into his mind, had she picked up on those darker thoughts?

"Yo, Brainiac- you gonna pass the food or what?" Raph huffed kindly. That in itself was something the genius wasn't used to hearing. He nodded and picked up the bowls, passing one to Raph, then leaning over Leo to pass the second to Mikey. That was when the world moved into slow motion, the purple banded turtle's worn out mind processing the goings-on with great difficulty.

As Mikey took the bowl from Donnie's hands, the youngest yawned, yet due to either his sleepy state or the action just being a reflex response, his hands shot to his mouth, bowl of soup and all, to stifle the yawn. Donnie and Raph could both only sit and watch as the boiling liquid flew from the bowl, looking as if it were just hovering before it began to drop once more thanks to gravity. This would have been fine if not for one problem, Leo's prone form was directly under the soup's decent path, and there was no possible way to move him in time, so with horror stricken eyes, the three brothers could only watch as the food landed with a splash over their fourth's shell.

The effect was instantaneous.

It was as if a switch had been thrown in Leo's brain and his eyes shot open yet stared upwards, unseeing while his mouth hung open in a silent scream and his body shook violently.

"Leo!" Raph cried while Mikey stared, white faced and wide eyed, however it was Donnie who managed to jump into action.

"Grab his arms!" Donnie cried desperately, his voice pulling his brothers to their senses, while in the meantime, the genius was pressing a hand upon Leo's forehead- which felt much too cold- and checking his pulse. "Heartbeat's erratic- he's having a flashback…" He looked at the empty bowl and recalled Xever's sickening words during Leo's torture. "Turtle soup! That's what he's thinking of!"

"Fascinating- but how the shell do we stop him!" Raph yelled sarcastically as he held down one of the eldest's thrashing limbs.

"Mikey, on the side- the syringe." Donnie pointed across the room, directing Mikey to the sedative, which the youngest quickly passed over. With one hand still on his brother's head, Donnie used his other to find the correct spot on Leo's arm and then injected the drug, causing Leo to visibly relax and close his eyes once more.

Slowly, the brother's released their hold of Leo and stepped back for a moment before Mikey thoughtfully began dabbing the soup off his eldest brother with a pillow. Just as the orange banded turtle sat back down, April and Casey's footsteps came thundering up the stairs and poked their heads around the door. It was April who spoke up.

"What happened? We heard voices? Is he-"

"He's fine, Casey." Donnie replied sharply, purposely ignoring April, "Just a relapse."

"Donnie-" April interrupted, "All of you- I'm sorry! I-"

"You should never had said that!" The genius raised his voice, and he saw his directly younger brother shiver with the spite dripping from his voice, "You think you can act all concerned when you clearly stated your views on the matter- what Mikey?" The second youngest spun angrily at the tapping to his arm. Then he saw what Mikey was directing him to. Leo's eyes were open, the sedative must have been too weak. Sharply, Donnie turned back to the humans, "Wait outside." Was all he said before he bent down next to his brother, his voice softening.

"Leo?" The eldest's eyes were still hazy and not as bright, nor as focused as usual. Leo continued to stare upwards towards the ceiling as his lips moved, yet it took Donnie a few seconds to catch what he was saying.

"-Forgive her, Don… She was right…" Then Leo moved suddenly, pulling himself with what seemed like a lot of effort, holding his side tightly, as he sat upright and lent against the wall behind him with his eyes closed. "I am broken."

For a moment no one could find the words. Never before had they seen Leo this defeated in attitude or appearance. For the first time, the extent of the mask-less turtle's injuries became apparent to the genius, which for so long had been hidden by his rose tainted view of his brother.

Leo's face was scratched and haggard looking, his eyes shadowed by thick, dark bags and his gaze lost and pained. His shell front was scarred horrifically, the deep parallel gashes caused by Shredder were still red while Leo's newer cracks were all black voids. Then there was the matter of his leg- the one the mutant tiger had so fiercely shattered without the slightest thought of honour- which was sticking out sideways at an odd angle, clear proof that it was broken.

Just like Leo's mind.

It was Raph who finally found the words first, yet they weren't even directed at Leo.

"Could you give us a second?" The red masked turtle looked at the two youngest of the siblings, who both slowly moved out the room to wait on the landing with the humans, however before Donnie could open the door, Mikey whispered to him,

"Do what he said, D."

The scientist glared at his little brother, hating the fact that he needed to forgive April for her words due to Leo's admitted state of mind, however, deep down, beneath the anguish and hate of the current situation, Donnie knew he wanted to forgive his crush because she had gone above and beyond the call of duty their friendship asked for, and the turtle knew that no matter how long they would live- he would forever feel indebted to April for bringing the Hamato brothers to safety.

They moved outside.

To Donnie's surprise, April was hugging Casey and he felt his blood boil, but a subtle nudge from Mikey made him calm down.

"Uh, guys…" he muttered awkwardly, making the pair break up, yet all was not as it appeared for April's eyes were red and damp from crying while Casey was looking fairly relieved to be free of comforting duty. Mikey must have noticed this and was trying to tell Donnie subtly. Sometimes the youngest never ceased to amaze him. "Raph's talking with Leo right now," he continued, filling them in, "We may have dropped the bowl of soup on him- that was the sounds you heard- he had a panic attack, most probably due to what Xever did to him- so we gave him a sedative which did not appear to be strong enough…" Donnie turned to April. "April, I'm… I'm really sorry for yelling at you- I understand what you saw must have been horrific- I mean, we saw it from a video clip, but you were in his mind…" The scientist actually shivered at the thought, "Leo believes he's beyond help and that I should forgive you because you were correct," April's eyes widened in fear, "But-" Donnie continued, his gaze never leaving the red head's, "that's not why I'm speaking to you as I've realised how much you've done for us… Without your help Leo would have-" Donnie felt his throat tighten and the words would not come out, their predicament only just becoming real at how Leo had escaped death. Thankfully, April had understood, and she moved up to him and wrapped her arms around the turtle, both in thanks and in comfort.

When he released her, she was smiling once more and squeezed his hand,

"Leo will pull through. He always does." Her confidence was just what Donnie needed and he squeezed her hand back. Casey then decided to ruin the moment in traditional Casey Jones fashion.

"So you've left Raph in charge to talk it out with Leo?" Donnie and Mikey both nodded in response, "You mean the usually angry, insensitive, violent, emotionally unstable maniac is your best shot of getting through to him?" Another group of nods and two smiles.

"Tell you what, Jones," Donnie grinned, "Would you like to hear the unheard tale of the red masked softy in the night?" Casey looked a mixture of shocked and enlightened. "Well then," Donnie began in a dramatic voice, taking a seat on the floor, closely followed by the others, "It all began on a dark, stormy night when we were just little baby turtles…"

 **So while Raph is being all serious, Donnie's like, what the heck, let's ruin Raph's rep! ;P**

 **Sorry for the long wait but when family are down I can't write a lot in a morning as it's rude to sit on a compute and ignore them!...**

 **SO:**

 **Will Raph get through to Leo?**

 **Will Casey ever be able to respect Raph again?**

 **Will Leo stop sulking?!**

 **Thanks for all your support guys! You're the best!**

 **LL99 out!**


	20. Talks of Turtles

**Chapter 19**

 **Raph P.O.V**

"Why bother, Raph?" Leo looked to his brother as the door closed behind the two youngest of the group, "What do you think you're going to achieve by speaking to me alone?"

Raph shrugged and sat down on the bed next to the eldest.

"I'm doing what you would do, bro. Protecting our little brothers." That shut Leo up. "Look, it's gonna be tough for a while, but the Leonardo we all know and admire would not back down from this." Leo continued to stare at Raph, yet no emotion was apparent in his dull blue grey eyes, "What they did to you was unforgivable, but do you want them to claim victory over us? Stop being selfish-" Raph snapped sharply, making Leo jump, "You're not the only one who's lost something! We watched our father fight Shredder then thrown down a sewer pipe; April had her dad mutated in front of her eyes; Casey's entire family were gone. You didn't see how the Kraang mutated hundreds of people, how they destroyed billions of lives. You're suffering now, yes, but you didn't have to feel the fear of losing your brothers in the madness, you didn't have to stand behind a grate, unable to break through as Splinter fought Shredder, you didn't see your leader thrown through a window in a shower of blood and glass…" Raph's voice broke. "You were trapped in your _'void._ ' You didn't suffer the pain of watching our city fall to it's knees. It was you. Only you. That's the pain you witnessed…"

Raph felt his eyes grow damp, yet he did not care. He actually wanted to show Leo what he had been holding back since he had awoken. The hot head had held back his jealousy for his brother as he knew it was a cruel wish. Raph just wanted to escape the image forever engraved in his mind of the invasion. For some reason, he envied Leo's arrogance. He was concerned with himself only because he did not witness the horrors the rest of them had. He met Leo's eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek, his red bandana growing damp.

"You didn't see your brother and leader battle with death…"Raph ended with a whisper, barely trusting his own voice. "Honestly, Leo, we had nearly lost hope when you woke up." Leo just continued to stare at the floor. "Don said not to go into too much depth about your condition, bro, due to _psychological reasons_ but, hey, you believe you're _broken_ so what harm can I do?" The second eldest's words were now half way between a snarl and a sob, his anger fighting with his upset mind. "Hours we spent in the party wagon, hoping you would wake up to give us some orders or at least give us some comfort over the entire incident, but you were completely out of it. Donnie was tearing himself up over your argument and Mikey's falling apart because of Splinter. I had to do your job then, and I'm still doing it now. When we got you here, you had to be resuscitated various times, not once, not twice, but _five_ times!" Leo's eyes widened slightly at the news and looked to his brother. "To hear Don pumping down on your shell was… _horrible._ Me and Mikey had to wait outside in case he couldn't get you back. Your body was shattered, bro." Raph finished, meeting his elder brother's eyes, "Your heart kept giving out and you didn't wake up… You were suffering on the inside, but just think what it was like for us dealing with that for three months… We didn't wait all this time so you could just give up when we need you the most…"

For a moment Leo didn't reply so Raph got to his feet, feeling that he had done everything in his power to get Leo to leader up, however, a hand shot out suddenly, catching his wrist.

"Raph…" Leo's voice was choked with emotion, "I'm sorry." Those three little words were all it took for the second eldest to sit back down, and wrap his arms around his brother. "It was my fault-" Leo managed to get out through his thick throat, "I should have thought about you guys… not just myself." Raph smiled to himself as the old Leonardo began to shine through the broken exterior. "It's just…" Now Leo was crying too. Before the invasion, Raph barely saw his brothers break down, but in the past week or so, emotions had been tightly strung so a crying turtle was not a peculiar sight any more. "It hurts so much…" Leo muttered, sounding ashamed of himself for admitting such a thing as pain bothered him. "I've never felt anything like it…"

Raph released his brother and looked to the twisted knee.

"I think you should let Don give you something for it, bro. Just until it heals up more."

Still trembling slightly, Leo shook his head, determined to be the stubborn leader he was.

"No drugs…" He whispered, his eyes squeezed tight as his lower lip struggled to keep firmly set against the pain.

"But you let Don give you stuff before…" the red banded turtle recalled Donnie's recollection about Leo's depression. At these words, the eldest stiffened, so Raph continued, "He told me and Mikey about what happened after Karai. About your insomnia, depression and night terrors." He soothed, hoping Leo would accept the fact his secret was out. "You don't have to fight this alone. We're here for you, bro, and we always will be."

Then Leonardo- the fearless leader- did something Raph never expected. With tears dripping from his eyes, Leo held out one wrist as the other hand gestured to his front where Raph noticed a large chip on the lower half of his torso, around his stomach. Raph's heart clenched.

"What Donnie gave me allowed me to sleep," Leo's voice was barely audible, "But they made me lose control." Looking at the mass of deep scars across his brother's wrists, Raph found he too had tears rolling down his cheeks. He had no idea to what extent his brother had been suffering. Sure, he had admitted to seeing a glimpse of some scars but he had never realised just how many littered Leo's pale green skin. "I used the small blade I have in my wrappings…" his voice brought on a tone of confession, "That was when I found the feel of the metal pressed against my skin was too tempting… I started and couldn't stop… This-" he pointed at the chip in his shell, "I…" His voice cracked, "I attempted to commit _Seppuku_ …" From the moment Leo pointed out the chip, Raph had a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that Leo had attempted to kill himself in the traditional honourable Japanese way of disembowelment. The position alone was a big enough clue, however due to the usual position of his belt, it was not usually visible. "I'm sorry…" Leo repeated, and his gaze returned to the floor once again, "That is why I don't want anything for the pain… I'm afraid I will try again. "

Eventually Raph found his voice.

"Does Donnie-"

"No." Leo cut in. "My shell deflected the sword thrust but the pain from that alone brought me to my senses. No one ever found out." The eldest's voice faded even more, "You won't tell him, will you?" Raph paused for a fraction of a second before replying.

"I promise. They've stressed enough already." At last, Leo raised a shaking hand to wipe his eyes and gave Raph a smile. It was small, it was laced with pain, but it was a smile. "Shall we go down and let the guys know you're alright and you're ready to start fighting again?" Leo nodded and gave Raph an arm to pull him up, which Raph did gently so not to jog his brother's wounded leg. "Metaphorically of course." He added with a smile, getting a half wince, half laugh in return.

Lacing Leo's arm around his shoulders, Raph moved to open the door when a loud cry erupted close by. Immediately he turned to the leader, but Leo just shrugged in a 'not me' sort of way so they opened the door to another loud cry. Oddly enough, the cry was not one of discomfort but one of pure entertainment for the eldest two turtles found their four companions rolling with laughter on the landing.

April barely managed to get out a,

"Leo! I'm so sorry for what I said. I'm just so glad you're up!" before Casey looked up with a massive grin plastered across his features, raised a finger to Raph and crying out a hysteric shriek of,

"Cuddy Buddy!" causing another round of laughter to break out and an apologetic look from April.

A muscle twitched in Raph's cheek at his nickname among his younger brothers for his midnight comfortings, yet he remained holding onto his brother's arm, keeping Leo upright, but when Casey grabbed Donnie's slender shoulders and held him close purring a, "Big tough Raphie likes a cuddle at night-" Raph couldn't stand it anymore. He let go of Leo, who grabbed the railings for support, them cracked his joints menacingly and leapt forward at the laughing teens.

"Cuddle this!" He snarled, but through his anger he heard a small chuckle from Leo and as he began beating the lights out of his brothers and friend, he smiled. Leo was slowly coming back to them.

 **So Raph's now know to be a softie, and Casey will be bound to use this every chance he gets!**

 **So:**

 **Will Leo take something for the pain?**

 **Will he begin to move forward?**

 **How will the humans react to the whole saga of Leo's recovery to his face?**

 **Hope you enjoyed and there's one last chapter coming up!**

 **LL99 OUT!**


	21. Filling the Void

**Chapter 20**

 **Leo P.O.V**

Waking with a start, Leo jolted to his senses, the cracked images of Shredder and the fight beginning to fade, yet leaving him slightly uneasy. For a moment, the eldest did not recognise his surroundings, but as he tried to sit up, he found a weight across his chest was leaving him unable to do so. He opened his mouth to let out a cry of distress, but as his panic stricken eyes darted about the gloom, Leo caught a glimpse of emerald and he relaxed.

Just another nightmare, he cursed mentally, the pain slowly subsiding.

"You alright?" Raph whispered from beside Leo, his arm around his elder brother's front a comforting barrier to stop Leo from jolting his still healing body during the night.

"Usual." Leo whispered back, resting his head against Raph's shoulder, "The fight, Shredder and darkness." However, despite the dark dream, Leo was smiling at a completely different thought- what Casey would say if he walked into the room to see the Fearless leader curled up with the Hothead for comfort. If that happened, Raph would find the constant teasing of "cuddle buddy" a blessing.

"Don't worry, I'm here." Came the gentle voice of his brother, and Leo nodded into Raph's skin.

"I know." Leo cracked open an eyelid and noticed that the room wasn't as dark as he originally perceived. In one quick movement, Leo knocked Raph's arm from his torso then shoved his directly younger brother off the side of the bed and onto the floor so that the eldest could move away from the wall and sit up. "You let me sleep in!" Leo accused before demanding, "What's the time?"

" 'Alf eight." Came the grumbled reply, causing the elder of the two to curse out loud. Sure, he needed the sleep, however he used to get up between five and six in order to ensure everyone would be as ready to train as he was. Seeing his tension and desperation to get up, Raph stood and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, "Wait, fearless. You're still healing and need the rest- doctor Don's orders. No one is expecting early morning training." He gave Leo a hand to stand, another of Donnie's orders, as he continued, "But if it counts for anything, I was having a nice sleep too. Up until someone-" he cast Leo a joke glare, "Elbowed me in the ribs. Now exercises."

When the scientist of the family had told Raph that he needed to help Leo get up and do some leg exercises a couple of days ago, Leo had been determined to remain stubborn and ignore Raph's help, however after the first night of nightmares and awaking with a scream on his lips and his knee burning, he welcomed his brother's assistance. The whole sleeping together thing just helped Leo to pass the night peacefully and also meant that Raph didn't have to be in and out of his own bed if Leo needed him. But as far as everyone else on the farmhouse was concerned, Raph was being the night comforter, not the snuggle buddy to Leo and that was enough for them to feel as if Leo was making progress and their strong leader was back. What was sitting at the front of everyone's mind was that if Leo didn't suffer from any more relapses, they would be returning home soon.

As Raph put Leo through the series of gentle exercises to build up his muscles and improve his movement of the limb, the eldest allowed his mind to wander over the darkness of the void which had come so close to drowning his spirit.

Leo could now feel fragments of his torture from his own memories rather than imaginings based on the video clip, and these were now key parts of his nightmares, but at the end of the day- he continued to remind himself- he was still alive and breathing, as was the rest of his family and they were all moving away from the horrors of the invasion together, as a family. He was also becoming much more steady in his movements, now being able to walk without help from a fellow turtle, only requiring his walking stick, and his stamina was slowly returning.

Donnie gave Leo daily check-ups and attempted to psychoanalyse him, but the latter Leo would not allow, knowing his younger two brothers needed their pillar of support back, so they could not learn of the things he had told Raph. If anything, Leo was now most determined to make up for his self-centred concerns which had been slowly pulling him down since his awakening. Raph had opened his eyes to how selfish he had been and no matter what pain he was still enduring, Leo was certain his younger brothers wouldn't need to fuss over him anymore. Then it occurred to him.

"Raph, I think I need to tell the others." Raph looked up sharply.

"What?"

"I need to show April and Casey that video and explain why I haven't been the leader they expected when I woke up…" Raph just continued to stare at his brother, his look completely disbelieving.

"You weren't the 'leader' because Shredder and his goons… _tortured…_ you." The word came out in a low tone as if it pained Raph to even admit what his brother had gone through. However, Leo felt his was seeing the situation clearly.

"How will they ever trust my judgement again if they believe I will just break down at any point?" Leo's tone was firm and calm, "I won't tell them about the past… you know…" Leo faltered but quickly regained himself, "But I know what I need to say to get their trust once more."

Raph's look clearly read, _you're-an-idiot-and-I-don't-agree-but-you're-leader-so-what-the-shell._

"You're leader." Was all he said, bringing smile to Leo's face and together, the brothers stretched off but as they were about to head downstairs, Raph paused. "A leader needs his mask." He smiled, holding out the blue bandana which Leo did not feel worthy for just over a week ago. He took it and tied it up tightly. _Depth, stability, trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence and truth._ He thought. Yes, he was back.

"That's sick, man." Casey muttered as the video cut to black, his face oddly pale, showing that even the big, tough vigilante was deeply shaken.

April didn't say anything but her fists were tightly clenched, the knuckles as white as Casey's face while stray tears cut tracks down her face.

The group was sitting around the kitchen table, Leo at the head with April and Casey to one side, the T-phone in front of them, while the other turtles sat on the opposite edge.

"Why- why did you show us that?" Casey asked the leader in blue bluntly, knowing how the other turtles had hidden the phone when Leo first awoke, refusing to let anyone know what had happened to Leo.

The eldest turtle shrugged.

"We're a family, and because of that, we don't hide anything." Raph caught his eye, but Leo ignored the glance, continuing as if nothing had passed between them, "You've both seen how we- especially I- have been acting since the invasion- or not, in my case-" he added light-heartedly, bringing sad smiles to his brothers' faces. "But you'd have seen that-as April put it- I seemed, _broken_." April's eyes shot up, her mouth open with an apology, but the leader raised a palm. "Not going to lie, but she was right for a time. What you just saw was subconsciously filling my mind with doubt and guilt, like how I couldn't defeat Shredder and he then went on to… _hurt_ Sensei. I feel like I owe you all an explanation and an apology." All eyes were focused on Leo, absorbing every word their leader had to say.

"I've come to realise I've been so focused on my own metal battles I've forgotten what everyone else went through. April, you saw your dad mutated," the red head bowed her head sadly, "Casey, your family were missing," Casey's usually cheery eyes turned dark and sad, "And of course, you saw what happened to Sensei and our home destroyed." Leo looked at his brothers, "I should have seen what you guys saw, and for that I'm sorry, however we need to move on." All the sad gazes became determined, each pair of pupils putting aside their personal feelings to focus on the mission at hand, "Clearly I'm not quite ready to go into battle yet, but we need to get ready to return to the city. No slacking off from training like the last few months, we need to get ready as those aliens are going have total control over the city when we return and Shredder will be there too. We have a massive battle ahead of us, so training is a must." Leo took a breath, "I just want to say that how I've been acting lately is shameful. I know that now, it was just… the void…" The words got stuck in his throat and he hated his show of weakness. _Focus._ He cursed, "When I awoke, I couldn't feel much but pain, guilt and failure, and that consumed my mind, leaving an empty feeling, a void." He saw his family's eyes show confusion but also acceptance, they understood how hard it was for Leo, and this understanding gave the leader the strength to finish. "Each day I'm slowly getting the usual sensations back, the memories of the void are fading away allowing me to continue like before the invasion. Because of this, I can assure you that I am determined never to go back to that frame of mind as it wasn't just me who was suffering." He met all of their eyes, "We have a city to save, and as long as we remain united as a family, we can save the city."

Reaching the climax of his speech, Leo ran out of words, but thankfully, everyone else had plenty.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Casey cheered, holding up a hand for a high five on three which Leo gladly returned.

"Let's save the city, Bwoy!" Mikey shouted, jumping out of his seat and hugging his eldest brother tightly.

Donnie and April shared a smile and gave Leo thumbs up while Raph moved to his directly older brother's side and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You were right." He muttered so only Leo could hear, "Good going, bro. it's good to have you back."

The blue masked turtle smiled at his joyful family, they had seen much suffering lately, but they were overcoming it. The dark clouds were fading to pure blue skies and the hollowness of the void was slowly being filled with hope. Oh, sure, Shredder would pay, but Leo was in no hurry. He was healing and his family and team trusted his judgement once again.

Their enemies could break their bones and shatter their spirits, but as long as they were a family nothing would hold them down for long. How did Leo know that? Because that was what had happened to him and with the help of those around him, he was healing.

He was escaping the void for good, and he had a mission to complete.

Leonardo, the fearless leader, had returned.

 _ **The End.**_

 **Oh my word, I did not want to end this story, but I hope you all enjoyed.**

 **Thank you everyone for all your support throughout this and here I must put my goodbye to you all.**

 **I know I said before about leaving and I came back, but I NEED to write my novel and me writing FFs is not helping my task, so I am leaving all FFs for the time being. I want to thank all you wonderful people for all your help and support throughout my stories and wish you all the best in your own writing. I will still be reading FFs, just not posting them myself unless I get a nagging idea which I HAVE to write or else burst like Mikey's head in the episode 'Slash and Destroy'! ;P**

 **You guys are the best.**

 **For what may be the last time:**

 **LL99 OUT.**


End file.
